My mom (and beard)

I started wearing short skirts, but my mother suddenly started wearing trousers.

my mother likes to wear skirts.

if you wear a one-step skirt above the knee, you must wear high heels on your feet. Bare legs in summer, stockings in autumn, and cotton pants in winter. Her toes have been slightly twisted because she wears high heels all year round, but she said: you can't wear high heels. What's the use of looking good on your feet?

I've never seen her wear trousers unless she climbs the mountain to burn incense.

there was no Taobao at that time. If you want to wear a new dress, take a piece of cloth and go to the tailor's shop downstairs to do it. Summer cotton skirt, winter skirt, waist set with zipper, after a few years fat can not wear and then make a new one. When I was in junior high school, I was already familiar with the way to the tailor's shop. Sometimes she would step on the sewing machine and ask me to take it down and copy the edge.

at the change of season, she made out a pile of old dresses. She said: this will be saved for you to wear in the future. This style will not be out of date.

that's what she's said since I was fifteen. Say it once a year. But I am really slow to grow, 15 years old 1.5 meters, 16 years old, or 1.5 meters. When she took me to measure my bone age, the doctor said: the epiphyseal line has long been closed and will not grow any longer. A girl of 1.5 meters is enough.

she was not reconciled, so she said, "I didn't raise you well when I was a child. I didn't understand at that time." And then pointless give me some protein powder.

when I was 18 and 1.5 meters old, she gave up a little, took out her old skirt, and just compared it to me, and said proudly, "Ah, my waist was so thin at that time!" Thinner than you are now! When I was 18 years old, I was not as corny as you are now, no breasts, no buttocks, a board, ha, aboard.

when she was eighteen, she was smug and beautiful, and she was the only child in the family. She said: your grandfather likes me, not your uncle. Because I am smart and can read. Your uncle is stupid. When I was a child, I slept on a bamboo mat in summer. It was too hot to sleep. My grandparents took turns shaking fans for me. I went to work when I was eighteen. I had all kinds of bicycles and watches.

I said: what happened later?

she said: later, when I fell in love with one or two of them, Grandpa refused to do so. They either disrelish that their families are workers or that they are ugly. In the end, I must marry your father. Grandma is going to jump off a building. Alas, I refused to listen at that time, and now that you are in love, I almost jumped off a building, which is retribution.

I don't speak. When she was 26 years old, she found the wrong partner, and her grandmother was angry for 20 years, and she regretted it for ten years. Now that it was my turn to find someone at the age of 26, the two of them suddenly allied, as if determined to stop me from going the same way. Who am I messing with?

but Grandpa doesn't seem to care. I can't see his reaction from the way he carried a purple sand teapot without saying a word. He never called my father's name, only "beard". The whole family followed. During the Spring Festival, my cousin also came to ask me: have you ever been to the beard this year? Is the beard good to you?

I seldom see a beard, and after I went to college, he was even more missing. Just send a few text messages once in a while. Say some big truth abruptly, what: don't believe in love just because your parents are unhappy in their marriage. You can still find your father if you have any difficulties.

that's what it says.

I just ignore it and don't tell my mother. Tell her she could explode. One winter we were having dinner at Grandma's house. After dinner, our beard called and asked me, "where do you live now?" Your mom's married? Did you turn to them?

I can only look embarrassed. I think his speech is too unreasonable.

that day my mother wore a thick tweed skirt with light yellow thread and was sitting on the balcony basking in the sun and drinking tea, looking very gentle from a distance. As a result, as soon as I saw my face, I immediately threw a cup and rushed over, grabbing the phone was a scolding.

is there a father like you! She finally shouted angrily.

when I was 22 years old, I finally put on my mother's waist skirt, dark gray cloth, which felt very comfortable and grew to the calves. The only problem is that the hip circumference is a little big and empty. I had to take a long sweater to cover it. My mother saw it and said, "No, you look shorter." She lifted my sweater and rolled the skirt down twice from the waist. I'll tell you what, she said, I'll wear it twice in the future.

I have learned this skill, and even if I wear a skirt, I will know how to roll it around my waist twice before wearing it. She is satisfied: you are short, you'd better wear a short skirt.

I started wearing short skirts, but my mother suddenly started wearing trousers.

I don't remember when, but by the time I realized it, she had been wearing red and green wide-legged trousers to the West Lake all day to do a folk dance with her aunts. When you don't dance, you only wear a pair of ordinary jeans. Those exquisite waist skirts were put away as if they hadn't seen each other overnight.

I said: why are you with these aunts all day?

she said: aren't I an aunt, too? How old do you think I am?

I thought. I had nothing to say for a while. All I know is that she was born in 61, but I thought she was 38.

for some reason, my impression of my mother's age has remained at 38. It may be because she went to take a set of photos at the age of 38, and there was a picture wearing a kimono and holding a paper umbrella, still delicate and charming, such as 20 years old.

before the graduation ceremony, I begged her: you wear a skirt and stockings. She did. But after going back, they still have wide-legged pants, cotton leprosy, and ethnic style, and are integrated into the ranks of square dancing aunts. I was very angry and felt that she had taken the initiative to abandon elegance and decency and lost her aesthetic appreciation. Once I even wore a tutu that wiped my chest, and I danced a dance and passed it to Tudou. If it had been changed to before, she would have criticized herself: being old and disrespectful! That's what she used to say about my dad.

it's not that she doesn't love beauty anymore, it's just that she doesn't love beauty anymore. Can keep up with the United States. After retirement, her aesthetic came from domestic TV dramas and square dancing ladies. After no longer having to compete with the young accountant at the opposite desk, the fashion sense fell from the Hangzhou Building to the Huanbei small Commodity Market.

sometimes we quarrel in the mall. I advised her to wear dark blue and black, and she insisted on buying a leopard print blouse.

I said: this is more elegant.

she said: I don't want elegance, what I do should be elegant. I want to be young.

but you loved elegance most when you were young. I thought about it, but I didn't say it.

Grandpa is ill. First a cold, then pneumonia, and finally multiple organ failure. Come out of ICU and go in again. Throughout the summer vacation, we took two stops of the bus to the hospital every afternoon, waiting for ICU to open the door, take turns to change his protective clothes, go in and shake his hand, say a few words of relief, and then go home. Sometimes many people come, my mother, my grandmother, uncle, cousin, each person can only visit for five minutes. Grandpa slit his throat and could not speak. He could only look at us. He probably thought he would get better, but still showed little sadness.

Grandpa has been ill for a whole year. After many times of meaningless rescue in hindsight.

the doctor stared impassively at the number on the computer screen and asked us: oxygen saturation has fallen. Will it be saved this time? Did grandma say: forget it? Look at mom. Mom hesitates. Look at me. I can't speak. Grandma saw the doctor again: no more. The doctor said, "are you sure you can't save it?" Grandma panicked again and said: save, save! Mom also panicked: to save! Come on, come on! A group of doctors took action, and some said, "pull the old lady out!" Some close the curtain.

after a while, Grandpa's hospital bed was pushed past me again, and the wheels made a hula noise, then slowly became smaller, got into the elevator, and finally entered the ICU.

the day we went to the crematorium, we got up early. I heard my mother say to her grandmother: don't look when you are cremated later. You can't stand it. Turn around and say to me: don't look either. But she kept peering at the little window. When I saw a stove inside, I immediately turned away and stood aside to cry. It is not so much crying as making some unconscious sound of grief. This is the case for all of us, and we have already lost our strength. No one cares about me. At this time, everyone paid no attention to others and stood scattered, only with a similar look of trepidation on his face.

Mom is crying, too. I saw someone hand her a cell phone. She immediately stopped crying and began to confirm the restaurant, the number of people, and the time with the other end of the phone. It was April, and I noticed that she was wearing a long black dress.

another year or two later, she was lying on the sofa, talking about her grandfather and regretting that she was in a daze at that time. Grandma said Jane did. The funeral is so small that it wronged Grandpa. Could have been. There are so many things to do, and your uncle is useless, it all depends on me. Wronged grandpa.

when I looked at her again, I finally couldn't see her at the age of 38. She was tanned, and the spots on her cheekbones became more obvious, although she was still energetic, I knew that she would never wear those waist skirts that were always so hot that they hung in the cupboard and were too beautiful to bear to wear.

26 years old, I broke up with John Smith. She was so angry that she couldn't sleep, wanted to jump off a building, and sent me a long message on Wechat at five o'clock in the morning, but she wouldn't jump off a building. When I broke up, I broke up with no warning. I just suddenly wanted to live a peaceful life. When she called her, she asked, "do you want to think about it?"

I think it's funny. Her state of mind is like the 5 million people who think about it every day, and one day they tell her that you have won 5 million! She added, "is there a mistake?"

the closer I am to my hometown, the more uneasy I feel.

she said: we're not like mother and daughter anymore. You don't even bother to talk to me.

I said: what am I doing wrong with you, finding a bad boyfriend, wearing dirty clothes, and being a failure. As soon as I speak, you start to scold me, what else can I say.

she said, "what's wrong with being a parent? what's wrong with being a child?"

when it comes to this, I can't take it anymore.

sometimes I just ask her what you want. You don't like the boyfriend I found myself. I've already dumped it for you. You asked me to go on a blind date, and I went, too. You asked me to get married, and I pressed bob's head and went into the ring store.

what do you want? I asked her.

she says every time: I don't want anything, just watch you get married and let me rest assured.

so if that's all, I'm already on your planned path, why aren't I satisfied?

she said: I am not dissatisfied. I don't feel well.

I feel uncomfortable and depressed. She added. I said it twice.

she doesn't have to tell me that she knows that she wants her intimate relationship back with me. She wants me to act coquettish and talk to her like I did when I was a child.

she said: do you hate me?

I said: no.

I'm not entirely to blame for what she said about: John Smith. It was your grandmother who said this guy was bad. I heard about your grandmother.

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I thought to myself, why didn't you listen to my grandmother thirty years earlier? But after all, this is too much, even I will not say it.

she added: bob is a good one. I read it. Old people are right. Everyone says that you two are husband and wife.

I said: does that mean I'm ugly? Do I look like a man?

she said: Do you hate me?

I don't hold a grudge. I have nothing to hold a grudge against. I broke up because I wanted to live a peaceful life. I didn't want to be trapped in endless contradictions. I just think all her maternal love comes with a shadow, showing some terrible prophecy.

for example:

you can't be too negative in front of bob, sighing, he won't like you.

you should do housework, don't be lazy, be careful that bob doesn't like you.

you should get married quickly, or bob won't want you for a long time.

Don't talk too much about my mother's family. Beware of bob disgust.

Don't exaggerate your illness, it's all minor ailments, don't scare bob.

Don't tell bob about your father.

Don't tell bob about your ex-boyfriend.

.

for example, bob is the leader and potential saboteur in my future life. I will always live outside the sturdy mask that my real mother created for me.

she added: whether I'm right or not, I'm the only one in the world who's worried about you.

for example, my future husband, bob, who, is only interested in my beauty, talent, and fertility, and will not worry about my life or death at all.

people say that a mother's words often make sense from a certain point of view, with her own life experience; although the way of expression may not be good, you should learn to understand it from that correct point of view. In a word, it's for your good.

I told bob about a little beard. I can't call my father to my beard, much less my father behind my back.

I said that once when I was a child, I didn't know how to annoy my beard. He picked me up and put me outside the balcony and tried to throw me off the sixth floor. My mother was so frightened that she tried to grab it on the side, but she didn't dare to do it hard, for fear that he might let go inadvertently.

afterward, the beard said, "do you think I'm going to throw it?" I was just scaring her.

my mother said: you can't scare her, in case you miss it.

so, I just think the beard is a little silly.

Grandma also said: in fact, a beard is a good man, diligent, enterprising, and sweet-mouthed, much better than your uncle. It's just this brain.

Grandpa doesn't talk. Grandpa never comments on his beard or the past. He expresses his attitude towards things by giving people nicknames: my father is a beard and my uncle is a black smoker. My cousin is Mai Miyao, and my cousin is a castrated chicken and dog. The old man in a white sweatshirt on the opposite building is Zhao Jiuda (who participated in the Ninth National people's Congress). And I have been Yaya for more than 20 years. I have no nickname. I make fun of the core members of the alliance, not the object of the alliance.

my mother has been under the influence of a beard all her life. At first, she was afraid of being lonely and lonely at home. When I grew up, she was afraid that I would not love a man. And I never really missed the beard. I was busy kicking pebbles, doing magic tricks, origami, counting coins, and doing crossword puzzles with my grandfather, and he taught me one or two completely wrong Japanese songs. I loved Grandpa. I loved John Smith, and now I love bob.

on my grandfather's third anniversary, I chatted with my mother about how he used to show me his local chronicles when I was a child. My mother said: what is this? when I was a child, your grandfather told me a whole story about the Romance of the Three Kingdoms.

I miss your grandfather a little bit, she said suddenly. The finger rolled up the corner of the sofa and looked like a little girl.