Beautiful morning light, accompany you to read.
only two or three days after the winter vacation, my best friend was angry with her son and went to the hospital.
her son is slow and does everything. At the end of the day, he only wrote five calculation questions and copied three lines of new words, but Altman drew several pages!
when he eats, he waits early at the table, but when he eats, he always looks around and eats for two hours. he finishes eating with difficulty, either to eat fruit or to run to the toilet.
angrily, her best friend carried her son to the desk and stared at him to do his homework.
but it still doesn't prevent my son from playing with pencils, picking erasers and tickling.
No matter how hysterically she urges her, her son looks lazy.
finally, her son didn't do much homework, but her blood pressure went up a lot, giving her a headache and chest pain.
in the message area, many mothers say that their children dress slowly, walk slowly, get up slowly, and everything is slow.
but in fact, sometimes the child dillydally, it's really not the child's fault.
in psychology, the rhythm of life, physiology and rhythm of life are very different between adults and children.
Hiroko Mizima, a Japanese psychiatrist, points out that parents often urge their children, which will have a lot of negative effects on their children.
it is not terrible for children to dillydally, what is terrible is that their parents are constantly urging, urging.
urging a child will "steal" the child's intelligence
once read a story shared by a psychiatrist on the Internet.
A mother came to see a doctor with her 10-year-old son and was particularly anxious:
the mother said that the child was inattentive, and the teacher repeatedly reflected that the child was distracted in class, even at home, and he was distracted at the slightest movement in the living room.
moreover, children are particularly careless in their homework, 9 of the 10 wrong questions are caused by carelessness;
usually do not like to think, do everything.
after a conversation and test, the doctor found that the child's problems were "prompted" by the mother.
it turns out that my son writes very slowly, and he is only halfway through when everyone else has finished writing and gone out to play.
my son also has a slight obsessive-compulsive disorder, so he likes to check again and again when doing a question, and he doesn't move on to the next question until it is confirmed.
in order to get rid of his son's problem, every time his son does his homework, his mother keeps urging him:
"write!" Hurry up! Next question! "
at the urging of his mother, the son's speed went up, but his grades dropped instead of rising. Although the previous son was slow to do the exercises, the correct rate was 90%.
now, as soon as he does the problem, his mother's voice echoes in his ear, making it impossible for him to concentrate on solving the problem and think deeply.
Mother's urging, not only does not help the child improve efficiency, but is slowly destroying the child's brain concentration, resulting in worse and worse grades.
brain scientist Lin Chengzhi has proved that
"hurry up" is a forbidden word for cultivating a smart brain and developing concentration.
this is because the age of 0-6 is the period of "rapid development" of the child's brain.
the age of 7-12 is the critical period of brain development. every day, countless neurons are establishing links, countless synapses are generated, and countless information is input into the brain through the facial features.
the urging of parents greatly interferes with brain activity, and in a panic, the brain only receives the following instructions:
what you are doing now, don't take the time to do it, just get it done.
so the brain cuts off resources and turns to other things, and the child loses the opportunity to think and explore.
over time, children develop the bad habit of not using their brains, the space for upward growth of the brain is narrow, and the differentiation of intelligence appears.
imagine that if there is a voice urging you to hurry up all the time while you are working or studying, your head will feel tight and your mind will go blank.
this is true for adults, not to mention children whose brains are not yet fully developed.
in fact, procrastination is not the root of the problem, but urging.
criticizing the child with the speed and requirements of adults not only disrupts the child's rhythm, but also interferes with the child's concentration.
Children "the more they rush, the more stupid they get." it's never a joke.
urging children will "drive away" the enthusiasm of children
in the "Super Parental teacher", there is a boy named Bachen, who is particularly fond of dawdling.
he often asked his mother to urge him several times before he slowly pulled out his exercise book, but without writing a few words, he began to look around.
if his mother doesn't urge him, he won't move. if his mother urges him, he will move.
and this scene is very much like us, who usually urge the child. As soon as the child procrastinates, we subconsciously urge him.
when children get used to the urging of their parents, the effect of urging decreases, so we step up our efforts and urge them more and more frequently.
as a result, it is getting harder and harder for us to educate our children, and our children are becoming more and more dillydally.
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parents' urging seems to be for the good of the child, but it actually undermines the child's initiative.
teacher Fan Deng also said that urging children will not help them develop good habits at all, but will only make them develop the habit of using their mother as an alarm clock and rely on their parents for everything.
in addition to the negative resistance in behavior and the intensive urging of parents, it will also lead to negative psychological retaliation.
that is, the "over-limit effect" in psychology, if the stimulation is too much, too strong, or for too long, it will cause impatience, or rebellion.
ChildrenZhang Jie, a psychological counselor, told a case in which the mother urged her child to do his homework, but his son didn't hear it at all and took care of rolling in bed.
the mother talks too much, so the son simply puts the quilt over his head, and the mother stares at him and forbids playing, so he throws things.
his mother yelled at him and even gave him a slap. The boy raised his mouth and cried twice, but did not do his homework.
Mother gritted her teeth, but there was nothing she could do. It was already 8 o'clock in the evening, but the boy never wrote a word. She spent a whole day on her half-hour homework.
in fact, children who are urged, whether they are "dependent" who do not take the initiative in everything, or "rebellious" who specifically act against their parents, all point to the same attitude: non-violence and non-cooperation.
Professor of Psychology Tim Pychyl once pointed out:
procrastination is a problem of emotion regulation in children.
We have reason to believe that every child is going for the better, but the parents' urging will make the child feel untrusted and lose the right of self-control.
dillydally is the way many children express their dissatisfaction.
in fact, there are no children born to dillydally, only parents who don't know how to shut up.
parents' anxiety will, like a curse, stifle the enthusiasm of their children.
and a child who is not motivated will only have a narrower and narrower future.
if there are dillydally children at home, parents might as well refrain from being impatient and guide their children in a different way.
1. Return the initiative
when talking about the topic of children's dillydally, singer Zhang Xin once gave a good suggestion: let the children make the decisions.
"We'll ask her if you want to write at 07:30 or at 07:40, or whatever you choose.
she will feel respected and initiative will come out. "
this is because when a child is urged, the information received by the brain is "command" and "control", so the first information output by the brain is actually "refusal" rather than "action".
but when parents return the decision to the child, the child feels valued, naturally does not need to dillydally to resist passively, and will take responsibility for his choice.