The dormitory is just a place to sleep.
A Xin is the coolest girl I have ever seen.
because she was ostracized.
she told me that in the past, ordering takeout with roommates would erase each other's change, even if the other person forgot to transfer the money, she would not deliberately remind her that she would share the delicious food with others in the dormitory.
in her opinion, living under the same roof itself doesn't have to worry so much.
unexpectedly, one day the roommate suddenly threw a sentence to Ah Xin: "this semester we took the bus together, seven times I helped you pay the money, when will you give it back?"
at that moment, A Xin was confused. It turned out that every time the roommates calculated it so clearly. She was stupefied for a while before she remembered that she had no cash, so she had to use Wechat to transfer the money.
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originally she thought it was a different story, but once she overheard her roommate send a voice message and complained to others: "doesn't she know that there is a handling charge for Wechat withdrawal? what is it not intentionally?"
another time A Xin was asked by her roommates to sing and to "ease" the relationship with her roommates, she also declined the interview with the advertising company.
but that day in the k room, she overheard two roommates whispering:
"Why did you ask her to join us?"
"she can't sing, so bring her over to share the room fee."
at that moment, A Xin felt like an idiot.
Ah, Xin's heart is not unable to accept "settling accounts". After all, everyone's habits are different, and it also exists for her brothers to settle accounts. What makes her sad is that this kind of "clearing up" turns out to be a double standard.
just like Ah Xin used to get up early and wake up her roommates with morning classes every day, but one morning she overslept and woke up to find it was over 11:00. There were two classes that morning, but no one called her.
watching her name appear on the absenteeism list, A Xin felt that she had fed dogs of her previous kindness to them.
in A Xin's heart, the dormitory should be like a home, and the roommate is his own family.
but nowadays, roommates don't even seem to be friends.
A Xin, who accidentally skipped class that day, lay in bed thinking for a long time. What was he doing on his day trying to cater to his roommates?
"at that time, I was talking about the latest makeup, watching popular TV shows, and being their human flesh discount coupons." A Xin said to me.
give up what you want to do to cater to them, in the end, you are not liked by them, and you have nothing but red symbols in your head.
so she finally made up her mind to break away from the small circle of the dormitory, no longer step on the class bell with them, no longer rely on mobile phones and computers to kill time, and stay away from topics that are not nutritious.
but such withdrawal comes at a price. Ah, Xin is labeled as "unsociable" and then isolated from their circle and further excluded.
roommates often talk and laugh loudly and snub her, glancing at her from time to time to remind each other, "this is what we say in the group."
her lotion fell to the ground accidentally, because she was in a hurry to pick it up in class, and came back to find that the lotion was thrown into the dustbin.
if all the roommates want to go out and only she is in the dormitory, the roommates will turn off all the lights and air conditioners.
even go downstairs for two minutes to get takeout, and when you go back, you will find that the door has been locked by them.
they remind her of every little thing all the time that you are not welcome in this dormitory.
is that too much?
but no one has a way, because A Xin's roommates will not admit it, even in class, her roommates will blame A Xin in turn. And those students who do not know why, because of "if she has no problem, who will reject her," such as counter-proof to judge the wrong side of Ah Xin.
is unfair, but also very helpless.
I remember after noon that night, she called me and said she wouldn't go back. Because that morning, a door slam from her roommate made her jump out of bed, and she said she cried disgracefully in bed for a whole hour.
after crying, she gets out of bed and washes, folds the wet clothes into the suitcase, tidies up the quilt, closes the laptop that is always on, and unplugs the power from the socket.
that day, she asked her family for an advance on next month's living expenses, and a man dragged a suitcase to the Youth Travel Service.
I asked her how long she planned to stay.
she says until a house is found.
when I hung up, I told her to call me if anything happened. She said, "I'm all right. I just figured it out."
up to now, Axin still occasionally tells me stories about her being excluded, but I always feel that she is much happier now.
I can see that she no longer stubbornly regards the dormitory as a family, and now the dormitory is a non-existent concept to her. Moving out makes her much more comfortable.
because she no longer has to try to fit in with them, participate in topics she is not interested in, and worry about how to get along with them all day long.
as she told me, now she suddenly has plenty of free time, joins the studio she is interested in, spends more and more time in the library, and even got NetEase's internship offer yesterday. She heard her classmates say that the roommates couldn't get a decent offer at all, and then continued to watch the play melancholy.
if she hadn't moved out, A Xin might still be stuck in the dead cycle of "ingratiating-useless-being excluded-fawning", continuing to live a life of obscurity, and couldn't get out of this quagmire at all.
if not excluded, Ah Xin would not want to get out, let alone gain more things that could not be obtained before.
sometimes life is like this. It likes to give you some unsolvable problems, but if you try to solve them, you will only make yourself in a hurry.
who says that escape is not a good way and that it is the stupidest thing to force yourself into a group.