How hard is it for a girl to grow up safely? -- write to my male friends

I have discussed the topic of equality between men and women with several male friends, and they all feel that the life of contemporary women is OK, not to mention any particular inequality. One of the married friends even said with great seriousness that today's women are so powerful that they manage money, people, heaven, and earth, but can't afford to be a Bodhisattva. I can only roll my eyes. Have you seen too many sketches in the Spring Festival Gala? Why don't they feel that there is any oppression of women in this society? Of course, I don't rule out the fact that women do seem to be more respected in their lives. I think it's more important because they are men.

Let me give you an analogy. We all know that the weather in Yunnan is very strange. "different days in ten miles" is not enough to describe it. Even in two places 500 meters apart, it will be sunny and rainy in one place. A few years ago, Brother Yubao and I each looked at a shop, one in Dayan and the other in Shuhe, a few kilometers apart. He would drive over to pick me up at the end of the day. There is still some distance from the store to the parking lot. On several rainy days, I asked him to bring an umbrella, but he forgot because it didn't rain there. No matter how much I emphasize, he doesn't remember to take an umbrella when he goes out because it doesn't rain in the sky! Why can't men feel the pressure on women, just because there is no rain in the sky!

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two recent pieces of news about molesting young girls make me want to blow up the earth. The one in Nanjing took place at the high-speed railway station, and the one in Chongqing took place in the hospital hall. In broad daylight, they dared to put their dirty hands into the girl's clothes and paid no attention to the eyes of passers-by. It is perfectly conceivable how these girls are being harmed in a more secluded and unattended place.

I just saw it on Girls' Protection Weibo: data from the Supreme people's Court show that in the four years from 2013 to 2016, 10782 cases of sexual abuse of children were handled by courts across the country alone-in other words, an average of more than seven cases are handled every day; that is, at least seven children are injured every day. Seven a day! Needless to say, everyone knows the proportion of girls. However, these are the evils that have surfaced, and how many girls have not been exposed?

if I told those male friends that I would want to blow up the earth after reading the news that girls were molested in public, I don't think they would understand at all. They will think that this kind of thing is just an isolated case, how can it be so serious? So, I want to talk to them about how hard it is for a little girl to grow up safely.

when I was in the sixth grade, my father was working for people in a yard opposite the school, and the whole yard had to be torn down and rebuilt. One day I went to see him during my lunch break, but he was not there, only an 18-or 19-year-old boy. I had seen the big boy several times before, and I knew he lived in that yard. He told me that my father had gone to dinner and should be back soon, so I stayed there to wait for my father and talked to him. The boy is very sunny and gentle, about the same age as my little uncle. I am not wary of him.

as we were talking, he suddenly asked me how heavy I was and said he would weigh it for me, so he put his arm around my neck from behind me and picked me up. Until now, I didn't realize what was wrong, because my brother-in-law often played with me like this when I was at home. But suddenly he picked me up and began to tear down half of the empty house. I immediately realized that something was wrong, but I didn't struggle or yell. I was thinking quickly about how to get out. Because I was twelve years old and not too small, he could not carry me into the house in one breath, and when he put me on the ground for air, I broke his arm and ran away like a rabbit at the moment he let go.

I never told anyone about it. After all, I was not old at that time, and I didn't know the nature of the matter, and then I slowly forgot it. About five or six years later, one day I went back to that primary school and saw that man playing basketball on the court. I recognized him at first glance. Of course, he didn't remember me. The moment I recognized him, I remembered that year, and suddenly my legs were weak, thinking that if I didn't get away with it that day, the consequences would be unimaginable.

I don't know the chances of such a dangerous experience happening to women, but I think about 70 to 80% of girls have experienced it.

when I was in middle school, there were more than 1,000 students in our teaching building, but there were only two narrow exits. Two or three minutes after the last self-study class every night, the teacher in charge of electricity cut off the power supply of the teaching building, and the whole building was plunged into darkness, while at least half of the students were huddled together in the stairs and walked slowly down the stairs. Whenever the lights out, the crowd will always let out a chorus of surprise, boys are happy and narrow-minded, girls are scared and palpitation. I don't know how many female classmates have been molested in the dark, but no one dares to say anything. the most they can do is to hide in the quilt and cry after returning to the dormitory. A good friend of mine has also encountered this kind of thing, although she usually has a tough personality, she can only go back to the dormitory to hide in bed and cry. The problem was not solved until a girl in the next class went back and told her father, who angrily went to the principal's office to pat the desk-the solution was to turn on the lights in the hallway and corridor for a few more minutes. Wait until all the students leave safely. I later thought, why can't the teacher in charge of electricity wait for such a simple thing and wait for three or five more minutes? Is it because of negligence, or is it because he is lazy? After thinking about it, it can only be attributed to the fact that he is a male teacher. If he is a female teacher, I think she can immediately think of those girls in the dark with boys. The dangerous situation when they huddled together.

tell me another thing. The lights in the corridor of the teaching building are solved, but there are no lights in the school playground. There are only two public toilets in our school, which is usually fine at recess, but we are very nervous when everyone has to go to the toilet before going to bed at night. The two toilets, one smaller one is next to our dormitory building, and the other larger one has to go through the playground to get there. To go to the toilet before the lights out in the dormitory, we often go through the playground to the larger public toilet. Since it is night, of course, there will be no lights on the playground, and the dark road is only dozens of meters, but even if it is only dozens of meters, there will still be bad boys reaching out their claws. Unfortunately, I have been hit once. At that time, we were three girls hand in hand, and a boy suddenly rushed out of the darkness to attack us, and he dared not make much movement. after all, there were three of us, and he just hurriedly fished on us and fled in a hurry. This kind of thing has happened more than once, and the solution is very simple, as long as there is a streetlamp in those dozens of miles, no one is going to do it. Why? Because from the headmaster to the academic Affairs Office, the Logistics Office, and the Security Section, they are all male teachers.

I think of several conflicts caused by different perspectives in the past few years when I lived with Mr. Bao. When something like a switch, hook, or clothes hanger is installed somewhere in the house, he always installs it at his convenient height, knowing that his height is fully 15 centimeters taller than me, and very often, he thinks the most suitable height is very unfriendly to me. He even packed clothes hangers at the height he thought was convenient, but the problem was that I was the one who washed and hung the clothes. I repeated it to him many times, and occasionally he would reflect on it, but he never went to his head and relapsed again next time. Even a lot of times after I said it, it didn't work at all, because from his point of view, pretending to be short is not beautiful, or he looks uncomfortable. There may be no other way but to fight with him and put his face on the ground to make him learn a lesson, but the height difference of 15 centimeters and the weight difference of 50 jin make it impossible for me to win, so in the end, things have to be done his way.

our whole society is in this male vision, from laws and regulations to a school switch, which is controlled by men, and the world is arranged according to your will. For men, there is nothing wrong with this, because there is no rain in your sky. Like these two cases of molestation of young girls, for men, it is just a case, for women, it is one straw after another, although we are adults, we still have to be mothers. Even if we get away with one dangerous bullet after another, our daughters still have to walk in the sun. Who can guarantee that they will not be hit by dangerous bullets?

even though we are adults, this danger still follows us like a shadow and never leaves.

because I began to live outside alone at a very young age, especially after working in Guangdong for so many years, I have a strong sense of safety. Usually walking on the road, I will constantly observe the surrounding environment, always pay attention to whether there are any strange-looking people, of course, mainly men. Whether a person wants to cause trouble or not can be seen more or less from his eyes and body. As soon as I find the slightest sign, I will run away. This vigilance continues to this day, and even though the law and order in Dali is quite good, I have not relaxed at all.

once, I was walking my dog in the field alone. I crossed the ridge road in the middle of a road to another road. When I was halfway, I found a man coming from the other end of the ridge road. Although it was still far away, I could not see the figure clearly, let alone speculate on his intention or intention, but I immediately became nervous. I looked around and found that there was no one within 100 meters. I either went back the same way or climbed up the steep slope next to me and took another parallel ridge road. In broad daylight, I brought the dog again. I guess he didn't dare to do anything to me, but I thought the ridge road was so narrow. If he touched me at the moment of the rendezvous, where would I go to reason? Do you want to fight him? After thinking for a moment, I climbed up the overgrown slope with my hands and feet decisively.

when I am alone, no matter where I am, my face looks like frost, my whole face is pulled down, and my whole body exudes a kind of indifference of "strangers do not come near". I don't talk to anyone or mind my own business for the sole purpose of self-protection. But even if you are armed to the teeth, you still have to rely on luck.

in March, I went to Thailand with my friends, and one day I went snorkeling. I have been hesitant to take part in snorkeling because I almost drowned in a well when I was a child and never learned to swim. Until everyone was almost in the water, I hesitated on the side of the ship. Then a coach came up to me and said, "follow me." my sensitive nerves burst again, gave him a quick look, and then gave up the attempt. The man was black, fat, and fierce, with vultures in his eyes, shaved all around his head, long on the top of his head, and braided. It doesn't matter whether I judge people by their appearance or that I'm jittery, but I immediately gave up the idea that I couldn't give my safety to such a person.

when I announced that I would give up my seat, my friend M stepped forward defenselessly and followed the fat black coach into the water. There are so many people floating on the sea that you can't tell who is who just looking at the top of your head. The other two friends went to the bow to play. I had been looking into the sea at the stern, but I could not find the friend who went to sea. After a long time, she returned to the boat and said in my ear that she had been molested by the coach, who deliberately took her far away from the boat, touched her lower body with his hand, and take her hand and touch his lower body. As soon as I heard that, I got hairy, but I didn't dare to rush up and hit someone, so I had to take out my cell phone and secretly take his picture and tell my cousin on Wechat because our sea trip was arranged by the travel agency under my cousin's company. I asked him to deal with the coach on the premise of keeping us safe.

after this happened, I was in uncontrollable anger. I wanted to cry, couldn't calm down, and couldn't continue to play, because I was in contact with the travel agency all the time. I was so angry that my hands were shaking with my cell phone. When we went to the island for a rest, the travel agency began to contact the shipping company and deal with the matter. The leader of the ship apologized to us and sent a female coach to accompany us all the way. The coach involved was transferred to another boat. The matter was settled in such a hasty way. Later, I learned that this kind of thing often happens in Thailand, because tourists do not have the time and energy to compete with them.

the most distressing thing for me is that this friend M, another friend who is traveling with us, T is a same-sex couple. T is also very angry when he hears about this. If T is a man, I think she must have gone up and beat that man. However, she is also a woman and a woman whose age, height, and physical strength are absolutely weak. M, a Hong Kong native, was knowledgeable and well-mannered. She was still advising us not to be too angry, but she cried secretly on the way back. How sad, just because we, as women, have to swallow humiliation like this. How sad, because a woman is physically weak, she can always be inferior to both sexes. When we are bullied, we can only turn to men for help. If there is no man's support, we can only be bullied.

I am a particularly pessimistic person. I think fighting for gender equality in a less civilized patriarchal society is like talking to a dictator about democracy. I have been trying to avoid this kind of news about raping young girls because I am depressed after reading it. Just writing such an article has made me try my best. I don't have any good ideas about how to change this society. I just want to talk to the men around me who can talk. After all, men also have mothers, wives, daughters, and sisters, and their happiness and safety have something to do with you. I want to tell you, as a girl, how many bullets they have dodged since childhood-all in places that you turn a blind eye to.

I remember that most of the girls who were bullied at school didn't go home to tell their fathers, including myself. Because my father was working outside, secondly, my father would never take care of anything about me, and third, my father would be ashamed. However, only a responsible father needs to come to the school to pat the table, which is likely to save the whole school girls. So, I want to tell you that if you love your daughter, please tell her that if you are bullied, you must tell your father that he will protect her and seek justice for her. In addition, as far as you can, install more lamps for your female relatives and friends, and don't let them walk in darkness and fear.