Are people who don't get married and have children monsters? We interviewed three pairs of married people and single young people

is it a necessary stage of life to get married and have children? Is giving birth a blow to life? If we don't have children, will human beings become extinct? An unhappy marriage is better than being single all the time?

Douban's editorial department interviewed 3 mothers and 3 unmarried young women. Can you find the answer to the above question from their life, anxiety, and loneliness?

Q: What time do you get up on weekends? what do you usually do on weekends?

Tate:  I wake up as soon as the child wakes up. No matter on weekends or weekends, the child is still young and doesn't know how beautiful it is to stay in bed. The weekend is mainly a family day, take your daughter to the museum /toy store /park, what is "your own time"? It doesn't exist.

unless it is a moderate to severe haze day, and the children can only be trapped at home with the purifier, then my husband and I will go out to see a movie, hold hands, fall in love, and remember the good old days when there were no dolls.

  Camellia:  what time can you sleep on weekends, of course, to make up for all the lack of sleep during the five-day working day? After waking up, I usually don't get up and lie in bed to make up a few films.

if arranged, I usually check to see if there are any good movies in the cinema. I went to the cinema to see more than 50 movies this year. Or get together with friends, play mahjong and soak in hot springs.

Q: where are your main sources of anxiety or stress?

Tate:  the pressure of career development and parenting. When people reach middle age, they worry about whether their professional competitiveness will keep pace with the times and whether they will be laid off and lose their jobs one day in the future; and the domestic child-rearing environment is worrying, especially this year's tricolor incident, and they are very worried about the future growth environment of their children. I am also worried that I will not be able to provide a good childhood and an advantageous starting point.

the so-called "Don't let children lose at the starting line", the starting line is none other than parents.

  Camellia:  as an older, unmarried migrant worker, besides the pressure of work, she is forced to marry. The exaggerated one is to be tricked into going home, meeting each other's parents with someone who has only met twice, and then talking about marriage directly. After he finally got away, he shouted hoarsely to his parents on the other end of the phone for the first time, "OK, I'll marry him, and after I get your marriage license, I'll get a divorce right away. Can you do that?" On the other side of the phone, I heard a sentence, "OK, then you can ask for leave now and come back and apply for a certificate."  
 

Q: When was the last time you felt lonely? What happened?

Tate: This is probably the first time I have had the fiercest quarrel with my husband, and even the people closest to me can't understand what I'm saying, that's the loneliest. At that time, the quarrel was also related to the children. at that time, I was optimistic about real estate. After considering all aspects, I judged that there was a chance to double its room for appreciation, and I discussed buying with my husband. My idea is that it can be used as an education grant for children to study abroad in the future (although my doll is less than two years old). The husband does not want to invest too much in the house, and the pressure to repay the loan is too great. We had a violent disagreement. My husband said I was a drag on his happiness, and I didn't think he could share my anxiety.

  Camellia:  there was a sudden physical abnormality, and I was scared at that time. I dare not tell my parents for fear that they will be worried. It was even more difficult for others to say, crying alone for half the night. During the Spring Festival, watching others go home jubilantly to celebrate the Spring Festival reunion, I went to the hospital, registered to see a doctor, super sad. Luckily, the final test results were fine.

Q: is there anything you want to ask each other? Is there anything you want to say to each other?

Camellia asked Tate:  if you could go back in time, would you choose to have a baby earlier or later? Why?

Tate:  No doubt, even later! Many earnest elders will say that their late-born children are physically unbearable and under great economic pressure blabla. But only one thing, as the saying goes, "if you raise a child a hundred years old, you will worry about 99." as long as you are born one day later, you will worry about one day less; as long as you are born a second later, you will still have your own life.

   Tate wants to say to Camellia:  not every woman naturally needs to be someone's wife or mother. If my daughter doesn't marry, dink or lesbian in the future, I will respect her. Living my life is more important than anything else. It's great to be able to live your own life.  
 

Q: Where does your anxiety come from?

Diane:  there is a lot of anxiety, mainly from financial pressure and parenting bar, the pressure on housing and car loans, and the cost of raising children has been on the rise. The husband, who said he loved his children well before giving birth, moved to the study to sleep after his son was born, feeling so quiet. Treat your sons like a puppy or a friend's puppy. Tease once in a while. Although he didn't say it bluntly, he thought in his heart that it was all my job, and I gradually realized that I was alone on the road of parenting.

he Mu:  I have bought a lot of books and I can't finish them.!. The main reason is to worry about the future career direction, but also to consider whether to go abroad.

Q: When was the last time you felt lonely? What happened?

Diane:  I thought marriage would give me a sense of belonging, but living in the same bed was the loneliest. Once I complained to my husband about the hard work of parenting, but he said, "I don't think it's that hard." Most of the time I choose to let my discontent die in my heart. For example, when I took the child out to dinner last week, I took care of the crying child all the time. He only cared for his meat, regardless of how much I ate. At that time, I wondered, is this the person who peeled shrimp for me?

now that I have chosen celibacy, I have long made peace with loneliness.

if you have to answer. The last time I felt lonely was because my parents didn't understand. They didn't understand celibacy. They always felt that an individual had to get married and have children. Recently, almost every conversation broke up in discord. The lack of understanding of my loved ones makes me feel lonely.

Diane:  there are a lot of things that are basically about sons. For example, the little guy now begins to pay attention to appearance. When he takes him out on weekends, he will pick his clothes and doesn't let his mother decide what he wears. And the baby will understand the mother, go out to play with the baby, if I wear high heels, he will insist that I do not hold him, super warm heart.

once I quarreled loudly with my husband at home. The baby went over and pushed his father, saying that he should not be mean to his mother. At that moment, I kind of understand why some mothers felt that girls all over the world were unworthy of their sons.

Wo Mu:  this year I met the guitar master Makiaki Kishibu, whom I have always admired, and got his signature. I have a trip to Japan and I am very impressed by Kyoto. I want to go again when I have a chance.

Q: what do you envy the other person most? Why?

Diane:  envy that the other person has a lot of free time, not limited to the fixed place and living environment, unlike now I will be trapped, many decisions have to consider the opinions of the people around me, and my husband does not want me to do some "impractical" things.

Gao Mu:  No. I don't think that's the life I want to live.

I still prefer the state of freedom and can focus on doing what I like.

Whiteface:  Taobao shop has been working for almost 8 years, which is a small achievement. During the e-commerce festival, I almost sleep in the company and warehouse and try to stay up all night for a week. I can see my son only when I go home in the morning to change my clothes, even if I take a look at his sleeping face.

after a big event, I will rest for a week or two and concentrate on staying at home with my children. Children grow up so fast that they don't want to miss too much. Life in addition to the store is a child, most words, the most time-consuming is to design /board /track sales logistics.

Ooh Diga:  work, drink, disco. Work 8 hours a day, although do not work overtime, occasionally overtime is also dark. Then there was a drinking party.

get together with friends on weekdays and weekends. There are at least two games a week. Disco also goes almost every week, fun nightclubs or fun music festivals, local and foreign, as long as time and money ok, basically will go. Today You jump, and disco makes me young!

Q: What is the main source of your anxiety /stress?

Whiteface:  the business has been hoping to work harder and enter a new level. But now the main bag sales encounter bottlenecks, coupled with consumer upgrading, the original design needs to make more efforts. I tried to make jewelry two years ago, and then I have a plan to try children's clothing. I have always been a very aggressive and positive person. I am strict with myself. I always feel that I have not done better.

in addition, the child is about to go to kindergarten. when the child was only a few months old, my husband and I inspected some of the best kindergartens and primary schools in the city, from hardware /teachers to educational ideas. they are carefully compared and screened one by one. One lesson is to look at the mental outlook of kindergarten children and the way they get along with teachers, and how teachers deal with them when children make mistakes.

finally, I chose this one with a monthly fee of 20,000 yuan. I hope it will be more reliable in all aspects. But not to mention the separation anxiety of the child, I prepared myself early. After all, I sent my child to a strange environment where I couldn't see all the time. In addition, now that related events occur frequently, it is impossible without anxiety.

(don't you want to get married at home? )

Oh, Didi:  urge it, but at present, it is not enough to be "stressed" and "anxious". This is not something that can be solved by picking up one on the street. If they urge them, let them talk about it, but they know it in their own heart.

Q: what do you want to say to yourself five years ago?

White noodles:  Thank you for your hard work. Thank you for spelling it at that time. I remember that in the past, you wanted to study abroad very much, but your family's financial conditions did not allow it. You secretly said to yourself that you should earn money to study abroad in the future. Now you are true to your word. Although you haven't taken the actual step yet, you can do it if you want to.

Q: When was the last time you felt lonely? What happened?

White noodles:  in the past Singles Day holiday, I spent another week in a row, almost staying up all night. I was sleepy and closed my eyes on the company sofa wrapped in sheets for a while. My husband has been going to a place to see a house to buy a house, but really can not leave, the itinerary was postponed according to my request. When I got home from all night, he yelled at me that I had not arranged properly, failed to handle my work, and delayed his plan. After the big quarrel, I hid in the bathroom alone. I only felt that I was born lonely and should not have expected too much.

with children, the shackles of marriage go deeper. The hardships of career and family, broken teeth, mixed with tears, swallow it.

Q: Where does your anxiety come from?

Diane:  there is a lot of anxiety, mainly from financial pressure and parenting bar, the pressure on housing and car loans, and the cost of raising children has been on the rise. The husband, who said he loved his children well before giving birth, moved to the study to sleep after his son was born, feeling so quiet. Treat your sons like a puppy or a friend's puppy. Tease once in a while. Although he didn't say it bluntly, he thought in his heart that it was all my job, and I gradually realized that I was alone on the road of parenting.

he Mu:  I have bought a lot of books and I can't finish them.!. The main reason is to worry about the future career direction, but also to consider whether to go abroad.

Q: When was the last time you felt lonely? What happened?

Diane:  I thought marriage would give me a sense of belonging, but living in the same bed was the loneliest. Once I complained to my husband about the hard work of parenting, but he said, "I don't think it's that hard." Most of the time I choose to let my discontent die in my heart. For example, when I took the child out to dinner last week, I took care of the crying child all the time. He only cared for his meat, regardless of how much I ate. At that time, I wondered, is this the person who peeled shrimp for me?

now that I have chosen celibacy, I have long made peace with loneliness.

if you have to answer. The last time I felt lonely was because my parents didn't understand. They didn't understand celibacy. They always felt that an individual had to get married and have children. Recently, almost every conversation broke up in discord. The lack of understanding of my loved ones makes me feel lonely.

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Diane:  there are a lot of things that are basically about sons. For example, the little guy now begins to pay attention to appearance. When he takes him out on weekends, he will pick his clothes and doesn't let his mother decide what he wears. And the baby will understand the mother, go out to play with the baby, if I wear high heels, he will insist that I do not hold him, super warm heart.

once I quarreled loudly with my husband at home. The baby went over and pushed his father, saying that he should not be mean to his mother. At that moment, I kind of understand why some mothers felt that girls all over the world were unworthy of their sons.

Wo Mu:  this year I met the guitar master Makiaki Kishibu, whom I have always admired, and got his signature. I have a trip to Japan and I am very impressed by Kyoto. I want to go again when I have a chance.

Q: what do you envy the other person most? Why?

Diane:  envy that the other person has a lot of free time, not limited to the fixed place and living environment, unlike now I will be trapped, many decisions have to consider the opinions of the people around me, and my husband does not want me to do some "impractical" things.

Gao Mu:  No. I don't think that's the life I want to live.

I still prefer the state of freedom and can focus on doing what I like.

Whiteface:  Taobao shop has been working for almost 8 years, which is a small achievement. During the e-commerce festival, I almost sleep in the company and warehouse and try to stay up all night for a week. I can see my son only when I go home in the morning to change my clothes, even if I take a look at his sleeping face.

after a big event, I will rest for a week or two and concentrate on staying at home with my children. Children grow up so fast that they don't want to miss too much. Life in addition to the store is a child, most words, the most time-consuming is to design /board /track sales logistics.

Ooh Diga:  work, drink, disco. Work 8 hours a day, although do not work overtime, occasionally overtime is also dark. Then there was a drinking party.

get together with friends on weekdays and weekends. There are at least two games a week. Disco also goes almost every week, fun nightclubs or fun music festivals, local and foreign, as long as time and money ok, basically will go. Today You jump, and disco makes me young!

Q: What is the main source of your anxiety /stress?

Whiteface:  the business has been hoping to work harder and enter a new level. But now the main bag sales encounter bottlenecks, coupled with consumer upgrading, the original design needs to make more efforts. I tried to make jewelry two years ago, and then I have a plan to try children's clothing. I have always been a very aggressive and positive person. I am strict with myself. I always feel that I have not done better.

in addition, the child is about to go to kindergarten. when the child was only a few months old, my husband and I inspected some of the best kindergartens and primary schools in the city, from hardware /teachers to educational ideas. they are carefully compared and screened one by one. One lesson is to look at the mental outlook of kindergarten children and the way they get along with teachers, and how teachers deal with them when children make mistakes.

finally, I chose this one with a monthly fee of 20,000 yuan. I hope it will be more reliable in all aspects. But not to mention the separation anxiety of the child, I prepared myself early. After all, I sent my child to a strange environment where I couldn't see all the time. In addition, now that related events occur frequently, it is impossible without anxiety.

(don't you want to get married at home? )

Oh, Didi:  urge it, but at present, it is not enough to be "stressed" and "anxious". This is not something that can be solved by picking up one on the street. If they urge them, let them talk about it, but they know it in their own heart.

Q: what do you want to say to yourself five years ago?

White noodles:  Thank you for your hard work. Thank you for spelling it at that time. I remember that in the past, you wanted to study abroad very much, but your family's financial conditions did not allow it. You secretly said to yourself that you should earn money to study abroad in the future. Now you are true to your word. Although you haven't taken the actual step yet, you can do it if you want to.

Q: When was the last time you felt lonely? What happened?

White noodles:  in the past Singles Day holiday, I spent another week in a row, almost staying up all night. I was sleepy and closed my eyes on the company sofa wrapped in sheets for a while. My husband has been going to a place to see a house to buy a house, but really can not leave, the itinerary was postponed according to my request. When I got home from all night, he yelled at me that I had not arranged properly, failed to handle my work, and delayed his plan. After the big quarrel, I hid in the bathroom alone. I only felt that I was born lonely and should not have expected too much.

with children, the shackles of marriage go deeper. The hardships of career and family, broken teeth, mixed with tears, swallow it.