What on earth are the marriage promoters pushing for?

one.

Family dinner, I was teasing my lovely little nephew. My aunt took advantage of the opportunity to naturally urge me to marry, saying that you can see how lovely the children grow up, so that your life is complete, and it is almost easy for you to get married.

I'm a little surprised. It's my sister's turn to get married all the time, and it looks like it's finally my turn.

I peeked at my parents' understanding eyes and knew that it must have been secretly said yes. I like children, especially dream of having a daughter, but I don't think I am suitable to get married and have children now. There are still too many things to do. I can't take good care of myself. I don't think I can assume the responsibility of a family. Everyone has their rhythm of life, and recognizing the way they want to go is the top priority.

then in the chat, my uncle mentioned a good friend of my cousin's. He didn't have a child in his 30s. It was said that he wanted to be a dink family. Other elders also began to criticize with righteous indignation, it is really sad that unfilial piety has three great successors, and what parents have worked so hard to raise them so hard that they want to lose their children and grandchildren.

this momentum has become a critical meeting. I just couldn't wait to call that man to his face so that he would come that night to make a human being.

because they are all elders, I can't say anything against it, but I vaguely feel that having grandchildren is the core purpose of elders' urging for marriage. But why are you in such a hurry to have grandchildren? Is it possible that the greatest purpose of giving birth to us is to give birth to the next generation immediately?

after dinner, because I was still curious about the idea of the dink family, I secretly asked my cousin about the details of his friend.

cousin said that his friend is a doctor of physics and is now working as a lecturer in a university. Needless to say, I have a wide range of interests and hobbies. I often write poems on the Internet. I like to travel. I often go everywhere to play and camp during the holidays. Other things like photography, board games, mountain biking, ah, live a lot of life.

what about his wife? And you don't want to have a baby?

they do not say that they will not be born, but they think that enjoying life at this stage is the most important.

his wife is a Spanish major and often travels to South America on business trips. She is a strong woman and her work is paramount. But in terms of interests and hobbies, the two people are very consistent. They often go to travel, party, and bike together. I often see all kinds of interesting pictures of their life in the circle of friends.

are they dink?

as a matter of fact, for them, there are all kinds of possibilities and highlights in their immediate life, and the life of having children and raising husbands and children may not be suitable for their current state of mind.

Don't you think that's a little selfish? I asked my cousin.

cousin smiled faintly: in fact, who lives unselfishly? I will be great when I get married, not necessarily, I am just suitable for a mundane life.

there is nothing good or bad about life, only whether it is suitable or not, as long as they live happily.

the little nephew came to ask his cousin to play on his cell phone. The cousin touched his son's head and smiled and said, "to live the life you like is to live a good life without getting in the way of others. Why condemn it, don't you think?"

I nodded thoughtfully.

maybe the overall family atmosphere in China is not tolerant enough, and society is making rapid progress, but many people's ideas are still the same as before. At what age, you must get married, or if you don't have children, you are rebellious. This traditional concept is still strong.

of course, getting married and having children is not a bad thing. I never object. I just object to those people who urge marriage regardless of the mentality and specific circumstances of the parties. It's like when parents were young, no matter what your hobbies were, whether they were happy at school or not, whether they made good friends or not, they only cared about your final report card.

after all, the pace of life of young people today is very different from that in the past, and not everyone can immediately enter into marriage and live a leisurely life.

in the final analysis, life is just an experience for yourself. Outsiders are just watching the hustle and bustle, and it is not too big to watch. No matter whether you are living well or not, it is best to live according to the script they expect.

on the way back, my sister drove a car and said leisurely: "have you noticed that when you get married in China, most of the time you don't want to get married, but you can't stand it by the people around you, and you feel like you've made a big mistake if you don't get married and have children anymore."

it's not just getting married. I always feel tired to meet other people's expectations.

II.

whenever the Union of Marriage promoters is unable to persuade young people to live up to their expectations. They will take out the irrefutable hat of "filial piety".

even if they are a little dissatisfied with their parents, few people are willing to live their lives under the charge of violating filial piety.

they will say: their parents are old. If you don't get married and give birth to the next generation, how incomplete their lives are, how they will be laughed at, how sad they are, and so on. Some time ago, there was a large dating website that even posted an advertisement that a grandmother was dying and wanted to have a grandchild with tears, and then advertised that the heroine would get married, and the grandmother was smiling.

when I saw this advertisement, I felt sick all over. Later, when I saw the reaction on Weibo, it was full of curses. This advertisement completely kidnaps young people's view of mate selection and fertility from a moral high ground.

Human rights are born. People have the right to marry, the right not to marry, the right to have children, and the right to choose not to have children. Why should these basic rights of choice be forced and condemned?

if a person doesn't like children and doesn't want to have children, does ta have no morality, no conscience, no filial piety?

just because most people like children, we can't take it for granted that everyone in the world shouldn't it time to have a baby?

moreover, many families are unable to have children for various reasons. They are already under a lot of pressure, so why give people an extra moral burden?

in our culture, we always seem to regard fertility as the purpose of marriage and reproduction as the first topic in our children's lives.

everyone says that this is an impetuous society.

have you noticed? When you are single, someone will urge you to fall in love. Oh, why don't you fall in love? it's so beautiful. Look who you are.

not long after you fall in love, someone will urge you to get married again. Alas, when will you get married? marriage is the right way in life.

when you finally get married, there will still be people who will tell you to have a baby early out of their good intentions. How lovely the child is, and your life is complete with a child.

do you think it's over after having a baby? diapers, milk powder, kindergarten, key primary school, junior high school, senior high school, interest class, going abroad, looking for a partner, life is a never-ending comparison.

at any stage, someone will always worry about you. Live according to other people's expectations and don't expect to catch your breath.

can't we just leave ourselves alone and think about what we need most and what kind of life is most suitable for us?

if everyone in the world lives in the same way, what's so wonderful about it?

three.

Sister Xiaomei and I have been netizens for many years. From her inspirational struggle to the current hard marriage, I feel quite sad all the way.

born in rural Guangdong, she is the eldest daughter of five brothers and sisters. I will not complain about why her parents have so many children.

Sister Xiaomei, who has been outstanding in her studies since childhood, is very motivated to be admitted to a good university, find a good job in a multinational company, and struggle one step at a time to this day. But even if the family doesn't give support, it doesn't matter if you ask for money every few days.

Sister Xiao Mei, who just became a supervisor in charge of her career two years ago, was forced to marry by her family. Her mother even went to her apartment and cried to her for her grandson every day, saying that if you don't get married, we will be gossiped about in our hometown and don't want to live.

then the filial sister Xiaomei really obeyed, quickly found a colleague, made a hasty loan to buy a house and soon gave birth to a big fat boy.

do you think such a family will be satisfied? Is life really happy?

the promotion of work fell through, needless to say while working with children, often insomnia and headache, my husband is not very fond of, this life is more and more tasteless, more and more depressed. Later, in the email, he repeatedly revealed the negative tendency of being born without love and boring in life.

what can I say? when I was forced to get married, I advised myself to be in a hurry to have a baby. After all, such parents are also her parents. I politely criticized and made her angry and refuted. What am I trying to do? Everyone indeed has everyone's difficulties. I am an outsider, and there is nothing I can do except bless. I just hope to learn from it. Psychologically or materially, I am not ready to get married rashly. Unless you meet a true love full of confidence, no one will help you, whether you endure hardships or suffer in the future.

urge, they only know that they are addicted to their mouth, and their final life is not self-knowledge, but who do they talk to?

living the same life as others, seems to be at ease, but the heart wants to escape, this kind of calm despair makes people helpless.

when it comes to loving their children, many Chinese parents never care about the quality of their children's spiritual life. They ask for their children's material life and quantitative goals, such as the key points of the examination and the examination of civil servants. For example, they must marry local people and have grandchildren immediately after marriage. What they want most is for children to give themselves a long face when chatting with their peers.

what other children have, you do not have, this is unfilial piety, the logic is very simple.

of course, it is not all their fault. People are the products of the environment, and they are also influenced by the people around them. Can understand, but more hope to listen to each other to communicate and understand, after all, is a family, really open up to chat, I think I can still understand.

when they achieve those goals, they will feel that they have a sense of security and that their life is not a failure.

to put it bluntly, many parents just have little experience, little knowledge, big opinions, and many opinions. The tolerance of a diversified way of life is too difficult for them to understand.

Life beyond their cognitive range, although you are enjoying it, fulfilling yourself, and not even interfering with anyone's life, their rigid and limited life experience will be too self-reliant and unstable. I think you're humiliating them.?

they always treat you like a child and think that you can't choose your own life. They love you in a unshirkable way, say you are naive, and think they know you better than you do. But I never ask you, does a safe life make you feel happy?

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if your life is still a mess, your life is still confusing, your mentality has not been adjusted, and you have given birth to the next generation non-stop, I think this is irresponsible to marriage, to another person, and your family.

can't give children a good living environment and family education. I don't want to get married and have children rashly, just as a saying goes: children should be the biggest luxury in a person's life. It's not like you can return anything you want to buy on Taobao. Can you still make bad reviews?

Children will grow up, have thoughts, have self-awareness, and are the fastest self-upgrading human beings in the world. They cannot choose their parents, do not let them be born when they are not ready, and attribute the failure of their lives to taking care of their children.

precisely because we love life, we should be more tolerant of the existence of other ways of life.

are talking about leaving better earth for the next generation, why not think about it, the earth also needs a better next generation.

forget the older generation, young friends, just be tolerant of each other. Just because you have a lover and get married, you can't start to promote marriage longevity, and then show love and happiness every day.

even if thousands of people walk along the broad road, please give people who walk on the single-log bridge some confidence and courage. They are not walking easily, and they are not in your way, so why throw stones?

to sum up, what are the main reasons for those who urge marriage?

I think they are afraid of being different from others, so they urge themselves and the people around them to be the same as everyone else.

if people do not live freely, the biggest reason is that they are not free of thought. If you are not good at independent thinking, you will always be carried away by the thoughts around you.

because freedom is not what you want to do, but what you don't want to do.

-- from Emmanuel's critique of practical reason