What I've been afraid of is warmth.

when I met Mr. E, I was in my first year of graduate school. In that year, there were many graduate students in our school, and the new dormitory had not yet been built. We were crammed into the old building by the school using all the available space, and the faculties and departments were all mixed up, basically on a first-come-first-served basis. The building is an old building, the facilities are old facilities, and it is still a crowded room for four people, and the condition is not as good as that of undergraduates. The other three in my dorm room belong to three different research institutes, and the four of us get together with both arts and science, theory and practice are complete, and we can really play mahjong and chat without relying on the rhythm.

thanks to such a mess, otherwise I wouldn't have had a chance to hear the story of Mr. E.

that year, I fell in love with long-distance running. I got up at 05:30 every morning to run five kilometers on the playground, rain or shine. Mr. E is also running. There are so few young people exercising so consciously and masochistic that after a few days of running, Mr. E and I noticed each other, but we didn't say hello. I belong to the kind of master who likes to talk to the old man who shakes diabolo or the old lady who plays Taijiquan in the process of running slowly, but E Jun is just running, and her feeling is like a precision instrument part, meticulous, single-minded, not messy, really very focused. As if all the people in the world are not in her eyes, as long as she is running, she can go to a wider space and leave everything behind. After running, she would walk one more lap as a relaxation exercise, and I was basically relaxed after running, so we often left the stadium and went to the canteen at about the same time, so we would meet at the gate of the stadium and look at each other a few more times. I know there's such a guy.

then one day, my roommate said that her classmate had come to play in our dorm room. I looked up and saw, yo, it was the long-distance running E. She was stunned when she saw me, and then gave me a nice smile. Maybe it was because she was dishevelled and dishevelled when she ran in the morning, so I didn't think she was good-looking, but when she came to visit that day, she spread her shoulder hair, wore an azure dress and held two books very ladyly. it is the kind of pure heroine image in the campus story. Coupled with Xiang Meizi's super white and tender skin, she shines and looks incredible in our humble dormitory.

when it comes to this, don't doubt my sexual orientation. I really look at it from an aesthetic point of view. My big Libra is really a veritable appearance association, good-looking, even the bad guys can forgive her-not to mention that she is not bad.

Mr. E is in a particularly powerful theoretical research institute in our school, and his mentor is also very famous. We can see that it is certain that a master's degree is linked to a master's degree. But her ambition is not here. If there is no class in the morning, she goes to the library for self-study very early, and she can sit all day. In fact, many liberal arts graduate students lead a very leisurely life, in addition to sleeping in or playing games, or falling in love, or even getting married and having children. But E Jun has always adhered to the mode of getting up early, running, attending classes, self-study, tutoring and self-study in the evening. At that time, we had a rigid rule that we had to publish two articles in our professional academic journals in order to get a diploma. Many people just spent money on a page to publish articles, but E Jun not only published his articles with excellent content, but also received a contribution fee. He even published it in the core journals with his mentor, and we really wanted to kneel.

speaking of which, Mr. E's boyfriend is coming out. Combined with his own characteristics and stories, I'll call him the left-behind man.

when I first heard the story of the left-behind man and Mr. E, I envied my high school classmates, how pure they were. How common it is to spend four years together in college. After graduating from E Jun University, he left for the postgraduate entrance examination, and the left-behind man chased him all the way to take the exam. how romantic it was.

only later when I became familiar with it did I know that there are tears behind every legend.

E Jun comes from a small village in Hunan. His family is poor, and he has a younger brother below. In the eyes of her parents, it is serious for a girl to go to a high school or technical secondary school, find a job in town and subsidize her family early for her brother's study. But Mr. E is not reconciled to it. What's the point of planting seeds in spring, harvesting food in autumn, and living like a donkey grinder day after day? What's the point of clinging to a boring job? What's the point of hastily marrying a young man from a so-called well-off town and bustling about for a living all day? She must fly out, look at the world and find a better life. Once such a seed is planted in a girl's heart, it will be difficult to take root on a certain piece of land.

before going to college, Mr. E was like the heroine in many bitter scenes, gritting his teeth while being instructed to do it by his own parents and brothers. The left-behind man has been a classmate of E Jun since junior high school, and he knows her family very well. A beautiful girl is easy to attract the attention of teenagers, and a pitiful girl who is neither humble nor arrogant is more likely to get the mercy of Cupid. After watching and caring silently for three years, in high school, the left-behind man finally plucked up the courage to write her a love letter and said: "I like you, be my girlfriend, I will always protect you, good to you." And gave her a cashmere scarf that was expensive at the time.

the winter in Hunan is very cold, which is very wet and biting cold. Mr. E is not unmoved to receive such a warm letter and scarf in that weather. She accepted the letter and scarf quietly and said nothing. A few days later, she gave the left-behind man a big bag containing the letter, the scarf, a scarf made of wool that she had bought herself, and her reply. "Thank you," she said. "I won't stay here. You won't understand."

E Jun's grades have always been very good, and the goal of the college entrance examination is aimed at Peking University. Unfortunately, she was seriously ill before the exam, and she was only admitted to a key university in the province because she was not able to play on the spot and was admitted to a key university in the province. Of course, E Jun's parents are very happy about this. Although there is one less labor force in the family, after all, the future of the girl is not a problem.The university can find a better job. E Jun is not happy at all. This is not the life she wants. If God has eyes, why do you treat her like this? She almost vented her anger on the left-behind men who accompanied her. She called the left-behind man to the empty school playground and cried while beating him, saying, "are you bored? why are you always bothering me?" If you hadn't bothered me, I could have done better in the exam! "

the man left behind later said that it was the happiest day of his life, because she beat him and scolded him and did not regard him as an outsider. He was afraid that she frowned desperately every day. He thought that a girl should be sweet and smiling, even if she was crying and making a scene, it was much better than that she would always be as cold as ice. So when she lost her temper at him, he was so excited that he felt more firmly that the girl was worth waiting for. He is willing to protect her all the time.

for four years of college, E Jun has maintained the aggressive learning state of high school, getting up early every day, running, taking classes, going to self-study, writing papers, tutoring to earn money, and evening self-study. At that time, she also applied for a student loan. It can be said that she did not spend a penny at home after four years of college, and finally won the qualification to send off a graduate student.

the left-behind man who went with her did not stay behind at that time, but maintained the trend of pursuit, accompanied her carefully, took good care of her, and took good care of her as much as possible. They have different curriculum arrangements in different departments of different schools, but the left-behind men try their best to stay with Mr. E for a while. Rush to help her buy food in the cafeteria at noon, and help her get a seat in the library on Saturday and Sunday mornings-of course, E Jun often gets up earlier than him, and most of his enthusiasm is wasted, but he never gives up. Even if he went to the library and found that E Jun already had a place, he also tried to find a place closest to her and read the writing silently.

if the plane trees outside the window of the library reading room have memories, they will remember that in those sunny mornings, a boy silently put a cup of yogurt at the girl's desk and began to read. Or one afternoon when it suddenly rained, the girl forgot to bring her umbrella, and the boy ran all the way back to his dormitory to get his umbrella, then rushed back to the library, gasping for breath, and silently put the umbrella beside her. Or one afternoon at the turn of autumn and winter, the weather began to turn cold, the girl fell asleep on the table, the boy silently put on a coat for her, secretly glanced at her flickering eyelashes, and then continued to move aside to read.

what is the most popular in college? Play cards, play games, fight. And many fights are because of the messy things in love, robbing boyfriends or girlfriends or gay friends, all kinds of jealousy, all kinds of falling apart. A beautiful ice beauty like Mr. E will naturally attract the attention of others.

Oh, no, it should be said that Mr. E's charm comes partly from natural beauty and partly from mystery. Of course, she is not a queen of aura or a charming cat woman, she just keeps an alienated attitude from the bottom of her heart, doesn't make friends, and doesn't take the initiative to get close to people. She doesn't skip class, so she doesn't have to ask her classmates to shout or submit notes; she doesn't ask for leave, so she doesn't have to borrow notes from her classmates; she likes to work hard and always sits under the nose of the first row of teachers in class, and all the teachers regard her as a baby. so she doesn't even have to please the teacher, the teacher will be impressed by her and give her high marks. So such a girl, with a complex trait of inferiority and loftiness in her bones, shows a kind of attraction that makes people more and more unstoppable.

although the left-behind men always guard Mr. E in front and back, they still can't hold them in many cases. In those moments when the left-behind men could not hold, some people made use of all available space to be nice to Mr. E. That is a handsome and rich second ancestor.

because Mr. E never disdains to talk about topics with particularly heavy fireworks, we have no way of knowing what fierce offensive the second ancestor took to pursue Mr. E. The man left behind told us with a smile that he was so scared that he could not imagine how teenage girls rejected those romantic temptations. My roommate, who is a college classmate of E Jun, can be regarded as someone close to her. She has told us that she has used all kinds of tricks such as sending flowers, jewelry and skirts, as well as pulling up banners at school and playing guitar Sing loudly downstairs. When the second ancestor lit a "heart" with countless candles under their dormitory, Mr. E did not blink, but said faintly, "is he going to set himself on fire?"

later, the second ancestor heard that E Jun and the left-behind man were a childhood couple, thinking that E Jun could not let go of the left-behind man, so he really went to find the left-behind man to fight one-on-one. The most annoying thing about the second ancestor was that he thought money could take care of everything, so when he saw the plain-looking left-behind man, he smiled proudly and said, "all the good cabbages have been arched by pigs."

that fight engulfed the mountains and rivers, and the little left-behind man alone dealt with the towering second ancestor and several of his minions, and was pressed to the ground again and again, and got up again and again to rush up. Later, it was only when the school's security office came that it was the end of the battle. As a result, on the surface, several people of the second ancestor were of course criticized, but they had a backstage escort, and there was no substantial damage, but the college gave the left-behind man a warning. Because of this punishment, the left-behind man graduated with the first academic achievement in four years, but failed to get the qualification to be sent as a graduate student.

when Mr. E learned that the left-behind men had been beaten, he immediately ran out of the library to find them. They have just been released from the school security office, and there are many people watching at the gate. Mr. E rushed forward and showed an air of restlessness in front of the people for the first time. He raised his arm and gave the second ancestor a mouth and shouted, "it's great to be rich." No one spoils you except your parents. " Then he took the left-behind man's hand, grasped it tightly, and strode to the school hospital.

A man left behind many years laterI remember clearly that when he was in the school hospital that day, when the doctor wiped the blood on his face and head, E Jun looked coldly on the sidelines without a glance. But her teeth whitened her lips, and there were tears in her eyes.

stumbling through college time. Mr. E got his wish and entered the best graduate school in his major. Although the left-behind man is not so powerful, he can be regarded as a graduate student in a famous school. Apart from the changes in the city and the school, the relationship between the two people does not seem to have changed.

Oh, no, I should say, even better, more like an old married couple. That's what we all call them: old husband and wife. When eating, the left-behind man will consciously eat the egg yolk that E does not like, while E will silently help the left-behind man add rice and soup. At that time, there were not many courses in graduate school, and everyone was full of freshness to the life of graduate students. Even E Jun, who was always quiet, had a lot of social activities, messing around with us madmen, but after a few months, she returned to her regular life. Class, self-study, part-time and so on.

Go for the fashionable lavender mother of the bride dresses only at a cheap and affordable price. Our collections offer all lengths and styles.

at that time, the left-behind man worked as a substitute teacher in another junior college, and the salary was much better than that of tutoring or something, and it sounded much more formal. The important thing is that if he has a good relationship with these schools, there is a good hope that he will stay and work after graduating from graduate school. He also discussed the matter with Mr. E, but Mr. E soon turned pale and cold. Again, she said, "I won't stay here. You won't understand."

it is said in the movie that there is a kind of bird that will not land on the ground, is doomed to fly for a lifetime, and the only landing is death. Maybe Mr. E practiced such a curse. She has to move on. She can't stop. If she stops, she will hear her mother scold her mother there, "Why don't you hurry up and cook for your brother?" if she stops, she will see the village head squinting over with two rows of rhubarb teeth and say, "will the baby grow better and better?" If she stopped, she would see the second ancestor pointing to the tip of her nose and saying, "Don't pretend to be a white lotus. I don't know what kind of pussy it is in private.". She can not stop, the world is not in line with her dream, her dream world is white, students do not have to give gifts to teachers, published papers do not have to pay, as long as work hard without a pretty face will be recognized, in such a world, there are no hidden rules to run wild, as long as you work hard, you will get a rich harvest.

but, doomed, there is no such world yet.

in the year of the third year of study, we were basically busy with each other, and those who were looking for jobs who went abroad to take the doctorate examination had few opportunities to play cards and go shopping together. And because of the second year of graduate school, we reassigned the dormitory, and all the former roommates were dispersed and returned to their respective departments and institutes, so there was even less contact. I didn't go jogging in the morning. I learned to stay in bed and stay in all kinds of houses. I almost lost news of Mr. E. Sometimes when I saw my ex-roommate on Q and asked who was doing, she said, "busy."

when she was about to graduate, she had the official news of Mr. E, she went to the Academy of Social Sciences for a doctorate, and was about to go to Germany. We are not surprised that she studied for a doctorate and went abroad. We just want to know what will happen to the left-behind men. If it were the United States, it would be OK for the left-behind man to take the TOEFL desperately. But how does Germany handle it? E Jun, a powerful student-bully player, has learned German very well in two years, but the left-behind men don't have the talent. Oh, my God!

watching "Chinese Partners" is especially fun, because it is not easy for Chinese directors and actors to film an inspirational story from a grandson to the American Dream. But there are a few small details that make me cry, and I want to cry every time I have an aftertaste. The first one was when Meng Xiaojun went abroad, he made a big smiling face at the two buddies, then turned around and hugged his girlfriend and cried like a fool. The second is that when Meng Xiaojun returned home, Cheng Dongqing gave him a haircut, saying that the traveler had to have his hair cut before he could go home. Meng Xiaojun bowed his head and wiped tears, and his hair was already interspersed with white hair. The third is that before Cheng Dongqing's girlfriend went abroad, she, who had been as cold as ice, suddenly pulled him over and pressed him on the bed. Later, when Cheng Dongqing described the matter to people, he joked that his girlfriend had slept with him the night before he went abroad, and the students laughed loudly. When I saw it, I cried and thought, "Damn it, isn't this a replica of E Jun and the man left behind?"

the left-behind men are not as inspirational as Cheng Dongqing and have no potential to create miracles. E Jun ran all the way, flying higher and higher, and the left-behind man could not catch up with her for half his life. He is a very ordinary person, no extraordinary talent, no big dreams, just want to do his best to accompany the girl he likes. Unfortunately, no country or university in the world is willing to give an enthusiastic young man a nationality or a job, so that he can guard his lover in a down-to-earth manner. Moreover, the person he wants to protect most is the one who wants to stay away from him the most.

strictly speaking, Mr. E is not my particularly good friend. We hardly talk to each other, cry together, or fight against positive energy together. She walked carefully all the way and was used to striding forward on the established track. The more so, the more curious I am about her inner world, whether she likes the left-behind man in the end, whether there is any love, there should be some. In comparison, the left-behind man has a closer relationship with us than Mr. E. He is very easygoing, easy to bully, always with a silly smile on his face, is really a very good person.

We graduated and went our separate ways amid cheers, laughter, crying and dropping wine bottles. Mr. E went to Germany, and the left-behind man went back to work as a counselor in a university in his hometown. Just like Cheng Dongqing in the movie, he regularly calls E Jun, sends things, sends money, and often chats online. But E Jun does not have so much time to chat, she has a lot of things to do, but also to continue to fly high.

later, Mr. E married a German devil, which seemed to be in the field of discipline.A little famous scholar inside.

later, the left-behind man also got married, married a female teacher from the same school, and had a gentle smile.

one year they came to Beijing together, and several of our old friends met. The slightly fat left-behind man seemed to lead a stable and happy life, just like many contented middle-aged men. They said they had planned to have children and were doing all kinds of preparatory work.

later, after three rounds of wine, everyone was a little dizzy. We used the wine to ask him if he still had any contact with Mr. E, and a naughty one asked him if he had been secretly in the old position. The left-behind man was really drunk and slightly misbehaved. He stood up and said to everyone, "you all think I'm a bad guy. I'm not wronged. I'm worth it!" Dude, I was in love! "

because his wife was present, another female classmate and I had some scruples and wanted to stop him. But when the left-behind man came up with wine, he couldn't control his mouth and said carelessly, "you know, she sent me a poem after she went to Germany." It's handwritten. " While speaking, he read aloud: "I have experienced too much along the way. I arrived in this unseen city last night. It was only when you left that I knew that what I had been afraid of was warmth." We think the left-behind man is really drunk, sober for so many years, rarely drunk, really good.

I looked up the poems later on the Internet, and I firmly believe that, although I have never expressed my love, E Jun is in love with the left-behind man. It's just that she is so short of love that her heart is so cold that she can't get warm anyway.

I heard that Mr. E got divorced and returned home some time ago. I thought of what she used to say: "I'm not staying here." Where will her next stop be? Will she fall in love with anyone else? Do not know whether there will be such a pair of hands, can appease her heartache.