To get along perfectly is to be alone in the arms of a lover.

A perfect relationship is a necessity of being alone in the arms of a lover

1  alone do you still want to find time to be alone now? I asked Dr. Wang.

"of course, I will, because it's a habit I've formed before." He nodded.

some couples who have problems getting along with each other come to consult Dr. Wang, and he often advises them to take a break for a while.

how long is a period?

I asked the question the first time.

"Hmm. It is usually recommended for five to ten days, preferably as long as possible, perhaps to find a place for a short trip. " He said.

I was surprised to hear the word "the longer the better"!

because only by temporarily withdrawing from the original environment can the chaotic emotions settle down and seriously think about the sources of discontent and thoughts. only by clarifying the source can we have a chance to find a solution.

in the relationship between husband and wife in daily life, many negative factors often accumulate unconsciously. Over time, the stack of these factors will produce unexpected chemical reactions and accumulate into huge and unfamiliar emotional monsters. Although people feel resentful, they are unable to clearly explain the causes of dissatisfaction. Only by leaving yourself alone for a while and thinking about it, will it be possible to find a solution.

but is there anyone who goes to be alone and never comes back? I'm curious.

"There are very few people who do this. Maybe just break up, but breaking up is also a solution. The vast majority of people will figure out the real cause of the problem after being alone, or at least know more clearly what they are after before they have a chance to find a solution to their current predicament. " He explained.

so, do you still find time to be alone? What do you do? I pulled the question back to square one.

"I didn't have a regular partner until I was 42, and before that, even if I had a girlfriend in love, the relationship was short-lived. In other words, it's a whole new experience to be with a regular partner and run a life together, so I occasionally want to take a break from a fixed relationship and think about how I've changed over the years. When I need to think about this kind of problem, I need to spend a lot of time alone. " He explained.

does this happen often now? I asked.

"I still find time to travel alone." He said. Instead of deliberately planning a person's journey, Dr. Wang takes a random route and usually chooses a gap that suddenly appears in his life, while when the other half is unable to accompany him, he will drive on the road with simple luggage. If you drive slowly along the road, you can think about a lot of things on the road.

but when you travel alone, will the other person complain? I asked. Because this is also a common problem for many people who have a regular partner but want to be alone or travel alone.

"We won't, and we see eye to eye on this." Doctor Wang said.

this alone, their mode of getting along is enough to be envied by many people.

about "being alone" and "getting along", Dr. Wang shared a phrase that made me applaud: this is what British psychologist Donald W. Winnicott said. He believes that a perfect relationship is "alone in the arms of a lover" (Dare to be lonely in someoneelse\ & # 39 S arm.), this means that lovers who just fall in love always have endless words to say, but after a long time, they always go to a moment when they have nothing to say. Some people will feel nervous and insecure when they encounter this situation, fearing that their relationship cannot continue, but a mature and beautiful relationship is "it doesn't matter even if two people have nothing to say for a while, it's relatively silent, and they can lie quietly in each other's arms and be alone." This is the ultimate expression of mutual trust between two people, and it is also the highest level.

this sentence is so classic!

2

endless loneliness

"of course, I will, because it's a habit I've formed before." He nodded.

some couples who have problems getting along with each other come to consult Dr. Wang, and he often advises them to take a break for a while.

how long is a period?

I asked the question the first time.

"Hmm. It is usually recommended for five to ten days, preferably as long as possible, perhaps to find a place for a short trip. " He said.

I was surprised to hear the word "the longer the better"!

because only by temporarily withdrawing from the original environment can the chaotic emotions settle down and seriously think about the sources of discontent and thoughts. only by clarifying the source can we have a chance to find a solution.

in the relationship between husband and wife in daily life, many negative factors often accumulate unconsciously. Over time, the stack of these factors will produce unexpected chemical reactions and accumulate into huge and unfamiliar emotional monsters. Although people feel resentful, they are unable to clearly explain the causes of dissatisfaction. Only by leaving yourself alone for a while and thinking about it, will it be possible to find a solution.

but is there anyone who goes to be alone and never comes back? I'm curious.

"There are very few people who do this. Maybe just break up, but breaking up is also a solution. The vast majority of people will figure out the real cause of the problem after being alone, or at least know more clearly what they are after before they have a chance to find a solution to their current predicament. " He explained.

so, do you still find time to be alone? What do you do? I pulled the question back to square one.

"I didn't have a regular partner until I was 42, and before that, even if I had a girlfriend in love, the relationship was short-lived. In other words, it's a whole new experience to be with a regular partner and run a life together, so I occasionally want to take a break from a fixed relationship and think about how I've changed over the years. When I need to think about this kind of problem, I need to spend a lot of time alone. " He explained.

does this happen often now? I asked.

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"I still find time to travel alone." He said. Instead of deliberately planning a person's journey, Dr. Wang takes a random route and usually chooses a gap that suddenly appears in his life, while when the other half is unable to accompany him, he will drive on the road with simple luggage. If you drive slowly along the road, you can think about a lot of things on the road.

but when you travel alone, will the other person complain? I asked. Because this is also a common problem for many people who have a regular partner but want to be alone or travel alone.

"We won't, and we see eye to eye on this." Doctor Wang said.

this alone, their mode of getting along is enough to be envied by many people.

about "being alone" and "getting along", Dr. Wang shared a phrase that made me applaud: this is what British psychologist Donald W. Winnicott said. He believes that a perfect relationship is "alone in the arms of a lover" (Dare to be lonely in someoneelse\ & # 39 S arm.), this means that lovers who just fall in love always have endless words to say, but after a long time, they always go to a moment when they have nothing to say. Some people will feel nervous and insecure when they encounter this situation, fearing that their relationship cannot continue, but a mature and beautiful relationship is "it doesn't matter even if two people have nothing to say for a while, it's relatively silent, and they can lie quietly in each other's arms and be alone." This is the ultimate expression of mutual trust between two people, and it is also the highest level.

this sentence is so classic!

2

endless loneliness

most of the problems in the world are related to "interpersonal relationships", and the core of interpersonal relationships is "getting along". Having said that, I think more and more people can't even get along with themselves.

"there are obviously more people who can't get along with themselves than before, and this problem is quite difficult to deal with, especially in 'endless loneliness'." Doctor Wang said solemnly. Endless loneliness? Is it that scary? I exclaimed in my heart.

perhaps to see my surprise, Dr. Wang explained earnestly: "many people, most of whom are girls, are good-looking, have an economic foundation, and have a good family background, and then they naturally get married. after marriage, they found that married life was not as good as imagined. At that time, they felt that divorce had nothing to do with divorce, and they divorced easily. But they all believed in their hearts that with their excellent internal and external conditions, they would have a companion sooner or later, so they never thought of having to learn to get along with themselves. when time went by, they suddenly found that they might no longer have company. Will fall into a kind of unbearable panic.

because they are afraid that it will be more difficult to have company when they are used to being alone, so they refuse to learn to be alone and spend all their strength on finding a partner. Perhaps it is because the intention is too strong, so in dealing with the relationship between too hard, too much care, but scared each other away. The more difficult it is to get along, the more depressed you are, the more you refuse to learn to be alone, and the more you deny from the bottom of your heart the fact that you may be lonely, so the more unhappy you are.

"actually, people have passed.After an age, the pursuit is life, want to find a partner is a person who can easily live together, no one wants to be with unhappy people. As a result, mature women who can't enjoy being alone find it harder and harder to find a partner. If they can't find a partner, they don't want to learn to be alone. If you try to make yourself happy, you will lead yourself to endless loneliness step by step. In fact, learning to be alone is the basis for establishing a good relationship. Only those who can enjoy being alone can develop a good relationship with others. " This is the conclusion of Dr. Wang.

speaking of this, I suddenly realized that maybe I really don't need to spend too much time thinking about getting along with each other. I am good at being alone, and I should also be a person who can get along well with other people in some way. Ha ha!

3

exercise of building good relationships

"it is practicable to get along with others and build good relationships." Dr. Wang shared a method of practice. Professor Sun Zhongxing of the Department of Sociology of National Taiwan University offers a course called "Sociology of Love". This course is very popular. There is an interesting exercise in the class: professor Sun gives each student an egg and asks them to bring it with them every day. By next week's class, you have to bring the eggs back intact.

 because taking care of an egg is very similar to dealing with the relationship between people, you can't hold it too hard, otherwise it will break, and you can't ignore it too much, otherwise it will be broken accidentally. Only those who can take good care of an egg can handle a relationship well.

Hello! Then I'll take it home and put it away, and then take it to class next week. Smart, I immediately thought of the way to crack it.

"that's fine, but even so, you have to take it out at least twice. In addition, if you leave an egg at home, there is no guarantee that it will not be broken, such as an earthquake causing things to fall, or accidents such as family members accidentally breaking it. "

 Dr. Wang continued to smile and said, "being alone is the foundation of getting along. Only when you have the ability to be alone can you really get along well with other people."  
 

can I take good care of an egg? I asked myself.

4

the right match in a relationship

when I was a child, my grandmother used to tell me that it was important to talk about relationships. For example, our family is a student, so you'd better marry into a scholarly family.

before, I didn't think so. When I grew up, I knew that two people would get along for a long time, for life, life, and the future. It is important that values are similar to each other. This is the so-called "perfect match".

there are many people who are infatuated with "love at first sight" in love, especially when they are born in a very different environment. For example, the rich daughter in Qiong Yao's story falls in love with poor boys and other romantic stories. Perhaps it is that two people who grow up with very different backgrounds and socio-economic conditions are particularly attracted to each other, and can find what they lack from each other, not to mention falling in love with people who are completely different from themselves. "in fact, when two people fall in love with each other, they need sparks, that is, Chemistry, but after they really love each other, they need a lot of dialogue.

before, I didn't think so. When I grew up, I knew that two people would get along for a long time, for life, life, and the future. It is important that values are similar to each other. This is the so-called "perfect match".

there are many people who are infatuated with "love at first sight" in love, especially when they are born in a very different environment. For example, the rich daughter in Qiong Yao's story falls in love with poor boys and other romantic stories. Perhaps it is that two people who grow up with very different backgrounds and socio-economic conditions are particularly attracted to each other, and can find what they lack from each other, not to mention falling in love with people who are completely different from themselves. "in fact, when two people fall in love with each other, they need sparks, that is, Chemistry, but after they really love each other, they need a lot of dialogue.