Praise practice of love

to attend a party of girlfriends, let me ask you a question: what kind of man is like a man?

some people say that men have a successful career and are most manly when they are in high spirits. She has seen her boss on the cover of a magazine for running a successful business. Looking at the high-spirited and confident man on the cover, she felt that such a man was the most manly.

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some people say that when a man is versatile and knows everything, he seems to be the most manly when nothing is difficult. The friend who said this added: "my husband is not only capable at work, but also a good cook, he can also fix my computer, the washing machine can be repaired even if the washing machine is broken, and he can learn to drive very quickly. I think he is my idol." the man who can be worshipped by women is the most masculine! "

some people say that men who can stand up when women feel vulnerable and need help are the most manly. She said, "there is not a saying, 'when a man hurts a woman, it is not necessarily that he falls in love with someone else." But he let her down when she had something to look forward to, didn't give her a hand when she was fragile, and envied her when she was successful.' If I am sick in bed, get pregnant and have a child, encounter a workplace crisis, be bullied, or be there for me when I need him especially, I think he is very MAN. I am not afraid of your jokes. I am almost thirty now, but I will still be moved to see the plot of the movie where the hero saves the beauty. Men give a roar at a critical time and do it when it's time to do it, which is the most MAN. "

others say that men look like men when they see that they are gentle and considerate to their wives and children and take on the responsibilities of their husbands and fathers. In order to prove her point, she also gave an example. Do you know why "where's Dad going" is so popular? That is, when a man of five and three can treat his children gently and patiently, cook for them, and learn the characters in cartoons to amuse them, he is the most attractive and attractive man! "

all kinds of answers are full of fun. Every woman's needs for men are different, so their answers vary from person to person. In fact, every man has his own man. But why in real life, some men hide behind when they should come forward? Perhaps it is because of the inherent lack of self-confidence, or all kinds of pressure from the family and society that make them hesitate at the critical moment when they come forward. Maybe it's because they didn't get recognition and recognition when they behaved like men before.

Dr. John Gottman, an American psychologist who studies marriage and family issues, uses the apocalypse four knights to describe the four types of conversation that destroy intimacy. They are: criticism, contempt, defense and the Cold War.

he says complaining is different from criticism. Complaining only involves specific things your spouse has done wrong, while criticism is more comprehensive, which includes some negative comments you make about your spouse's character or personality. Let me give you an example: "I was supposed to pick me up at 6: 00, but you were late and I was tired of waiting." This is a complaint. "you don't have a plan to do anything, and you don't think about others. You're just unreliable." This is criticism. Imagine what would happen to a man if he was criticized like this. He will get angry and feel hurt in his self-esteem, and he will think, "anyway, if you say I am unreliable, then I will be unreliable." maybe he will not want to pick you up by car in the future.

contempt, defense and the Cold War poison intimacy more than criticism. A friend told me about something that happened between his parents. The husband's unit is running for workshop director. He is one of the three candidates. The result of the election came out, and he was not elected. He went home and told his wife, but his wife said, "I knew this would happen." For a useless man like you, if you give you another 10 years, you won't be a workshop director. " The wife's contemptuous words made the husband even more depressed, and he and his wife had a big fight. He was hit hard by the defeat of the election and the quarrel between husband and wife, which depressed him for some time. Later, the husband also lost his enterprising spirit in his career and became "useless" as his wife said. Such cases are not new and can be said to be common in Chinese families. wives do not know how to appreciate and praise their partners, but often use criticism and disdain, often nagging about what their husbands have done badly. I think that through such a negative way to make my husband stronger, but I do not realize that many men become more and more cowardly under the wife's criticism and disdain, and become more and more like a man.

so want men to be more manly, criticize, despise, defend and cold war words as little or as little as possible. Instead, you should appreciate men more, encourage and affirm men, and express your love, appreciation and gratitude to him in words.

We Chinese generally have a weakness, that is, it is difficult to express love in words, and it is impossible to directly express our affirmation and praise to others. Whether in a parent-child relationship or in an intimate relationship, it is difficult for us to say to each other, "I love you." "it is difficult to love you in the heart" has something to do with our traditional culture, which emphasizes the restraint of emotional expression. Another reason that prevents us from praising each other is that many people hold the idea that praise makes people proud and pride makes people lag behind. Actually, it's not. There is another factor that hinders people from expressing their love: most Chinese people think that it is useless to say that you love someone, and you have to prove it with action. In fact, many times we just take actions to express, the other person may not be able to feel our love, or need to express in words. Language expression is very important, as the Tang monk in A Chinese Odyssey said: how can I know you want it if you don't say it?

what do you want to say and how to say it?

Dr. Gary Chapman (Dr. Gary Chapman) of the United States has written a book called the five languages of Love, one of which is Words of Affir.Mation, 's affirmative words. Affirmative words include appreciation, praise and gratitude to your partner. It has amazing power, it will make your relationship with your partner closer, and your partner's excellent performance will be more and more.

"Doctor of Love" Huang Weiren once told a story about himself in his book, which well illustrates the role of positive words in intimate relationships.

"she (wife) likes me to make the bed. But I don't make the bed very much in my native family. Because I think: I want Rest tonight, why make the bed? But Shu Yan likes to keep her house tidy, and she likes to make the bed after she gets up. Later, because she was very kind to me, one day, I suddenly found my conscience, so I helped her spread it a little bit. She is very smart, although I did not lay very well, but she did not criticize me, but praised me and encouraged me. There are delicious dishes when I get home. She seems to be using psychological reinforcement principles to train me to develop a habit of making beds. Up to now, I make the bed every day to such an extent that if I don't make it, I will be uncomfortable. I make the bed every day, and even when I go out to stay in a hotel, I accidentally make it in the morning and help others make the bed. "

one of the things my boyfriend fears most is that no matter how much he gives to me, I don't see what he does. No matter what he does, I don't think it's good enough, or I have a lot of complaints and criticisms about him. 'it makes him feel bad,'he said. Therefore, I often praise and encourage him, and often express my love and gratitude to him.

"you look handsome in this shirt!"

"the dinner you cooked today is so delicious!"

"you take care of me when I catch a cold, I feel very warm. Thank you, my dear. "

after doing this, I am the one who will benefit in the end. For example, he will begin to pay attention to his appearance and cook more energetically, and he will be more considerate and take care of me when I catch a cold. Of course, I'm not suggesting that you use verbal praise to make your partner do things for you, but use positive words to make your man more confident and your relationship more harmonious.

We both have a "moment of praise" every month or two. The two people sat face to face, hand in hand, sincerely praising each other for two minutes and thanking each other for what they had done for themselves in the past. Thank you for the rain that day. You came to the subway station to take me home. It may be a little embarrassing at first, but then it feels natural, and you can feel that love flows between us and the relationship becomes closer.

in fact, there is a sensitive and fragile side in every man's heart, and they really want to be recognized and encouraged by the people around them. They all have heroic dreams in their hearts and are eager to hold their own home court from the inside to the outside. Men's efforts hope that women will see that your appreciation, praise and gratitude will make them better and harder, more and more men, so don't begrudge your appreciation and praise.