Please praise me.

when I was in primary school, I had a quarrel with my head teacher. But she said you went out and stood and I said I wouldn't go. She said you were a poor student, and I said you were a bad teacher. She said you didn't have a tutor. I said you didn't have a tutor.

and then she cried.

I, a student from a poor family, is undisciplined, how can a teacher like me? My father doesn't care about education. He thinks that anyway, if I study well, I will definitely be able to go to college. It doesn't matter if my family is poor, because the state regulates food, housing and distribution, as long as I keep studying well and don't bother the teacher any more.

when my mother found out, she bought some grapes and sent them to the head teacher and asked me to apologize to the teacher. I apologized and admitted my mistake. The head teacher affectionately stroked my head and said, "how can I care about children?"

my mother is gone.

the head teacher sneered and threw more than twenty pieces of grapes into the dustbin. After all, when it comes to the season, she always has one of the best grape crab prawns in the city, and she really doesn't want the ones she bought on the market. But at that time, my mother's monthly income was about two hundred or more than a hundred, and I never ate such big grapes.

soon, I was removed from the radio station, because I went back later after the broadcast, and then the squadron leader was gone, and the reason for this was quite qualified. I once made a mistake in the exam,; national flag, which she emphasized was gone, and the reason was simple, because I was demoted to a squadron leader and was not fit to escort it; then I sat in the last row because there was one more person in the class.

but the most ruthless thing is that I can't even go to the square of the sports meeting. The reason is more avant-garde: I am too tall, and our class is a special class of odd students.

when I was in primary school, I attached great importance to these things. In our primary school, probably everyone valued these things very much, didn't they? I still remember that I was the leader of the broadcast group on Thursday. Because I left, the head teacher recommended another classmate, F.

it wasn't long before her grandfather came to inspect the work. As a commentator, she traveled around the school with an one-pole leader and an educational group that did not know where to go. It's on the news. This was originally mine, and I memorized the commentary very well. Because when the counselor of the brigade began to write the manuscript during the summer vacation, she asked me to join her, telling me how to say each sentence, what tone, what expression, action, and each plate should stay for a few minutes. So I know that classmate F forgot the most touching part of the whole introduction, and it was also the most proud part of the counselor of the brigade, so she finally vacated a drawing board and had to walk in silence.

at that time, people still watched the news, and the TV station seemed to have made a special program. I didn't read that, but the school specially organized the students to read it again and asked everyone to write down their feelings.

I didn't hand in that homework. I stood outside the classroom for a day, holding up a board and saying, "I'm a poor student."

I haven't had any friends since then. In fact, I didn't have many friends either. My friends were students from other common people's schools. After school, we climbed over the wall and climbed trees and bought candy kebabs. We are all key children and get together to do our homework, but by then I won't have any friends in the class at all.

I sat from the fifth row to the last ninth row, and I was alone. There is also a reason: there are new students in the class. I just asked for half a day off to get an injection, and the next day I went to school and sat in my seat with a stranger. I was startled and didn't know where to sit. It wasn't until class that the head teacher asked me to go to the activity room to get a chair and sit in the last row. The place is very narrow, the back of the head is the blackboard, can only slightly chest class, can not even stand up.

luckily I was so big that I moved all the stools forward in the first class. Because I looked bad and was a poor student, no one dared to stop my offense. I sat alone in the last row until graduation. However, my eyesight has always been 5. 5 years, so my reading has not been affected.

at that time, the only remaining member of my teammates was the captain of our class. He is very handsome, really handsome, but also a Libra, birthday on October 20, our class has the habit of sending birthday cards, popular students get a lot of cards, even teachers will send cards and small gifts to students. The captain and the students had a PE class a few days ago, and a bunch of girls got together to gossip about whether or not to send greeting cards to the captain, but the conclusion was that they all said no.

I was in a daze: shit, don't you usually like him very much? Why not?

for no reason, I just don't send it.

on Captain's birthday, he really didn't receive a single card. Sitting alone in his seat at recess, he could see that he was in a bad mood. I thought, the captain is the only one who talks to me, how can I let him do this? So I skipped class and went over the wall to buy him a greeting card, and then turned back. I have been in class for about ten minutes. Is it an art class or a music class or an English class? Anyway, it was not the class of the head teacher, and the teacher was kind and only asked me what I had done. I said I had diarrhea, so I let me go back.

when I passed the captain, I knocked over the book on his desk and clipped the card in. He smiled back at me several times in that class. I'm happy.

however, extreme joy leads to sorrow.

the deskmate of the captain saw the card. His deskmate is a woman, the girl who is most jealous of the girls in our class, because she sits with the captain and has never been separated every time. The girl told the other girls that these girls were so good that they came to ask me if I liked the captain.

I don't recognize it. No one believes it.

they all thought I gave it to him because I liked him, but they didn't give it because they didn't like him.

at that time, children didn't know what puppy love was. They said to me: women like men, not shy! The sweet-scented osmanthus tree likes the captain and is shameless!

A group of physiology classesThe girl, who had never been with before, finally put the matter into the ears of our head teacher.

I came to a tragic end. I was named and criticized at the class morning meeting, and from then on I was disqualified from selecting the three good students-because there was something wrong with my character.

No one asked me to answer questions in class, and no one asked me to work on the blackboard anymore-unless I was the only one who could do it. My head teacher, who teaches Chinese, gave me the lowest grade composition in the class many times, and my mother was very worried when she saw the grades. At that time, my family environment has gradually improved, she found the former head teacher to give me make-up lessons, make up Chinese.

the teacher didn't say anything when he saw my paper. Later, when he was tutoring alone, he asked me, "is your teacher good to you?"

I thought about it at that time and said, it's good.

it's not because I'm moral, but, really, I think it's fine.

that teacher made up for me three or four times before taking the exam. My composition is no longer the lowest score in the class, but it is not strong either. However, my mother was very pleased that she wanted to ask this teacher to make up lessons for me, but the teacher refused, saying that children should be allowed to read more good extracurricular books, so my mother bought a cabinet of classics.

at that time, my father was already a nouveau riche, but his attitude towards education was still, it doesn't matter, but this time his strength didn't come from the state anyway, but I was rich anyway.

later, I had a car at home, Lexus, which is now Rexes. One day when it snowed heavily, he went to pick me up. At that time, there were few private cars running on the road and there was no rush hour. It was said that a car with no small license plate to pick up students was very conspicuous in front of the school.

our head teacher asked me who was driving the next day. I said it was my dad. She asked me, is that your father's car?

I said yes.

she said your father was a driver?

I said no, this car belongs to my family. My father wants to hire a driver, but it's hard to find him now.

this is what I said when I was listening to my parents chatting over dinner.

the head teacher stopped talking.

in the afternoon class, we are reading silently. She was chatting with another teacher by the blackboard in front of the classroom. Suddenly she asked me to stand up and asked, "sweet-scented osmanthus tree, whose car did you say it snowed heavily the other day to pick you up?"

I said it was my father's.

she said say it again!

I said it was my father's.

she asked me why I only saw this car once if it belonged to your family.

I said my mother said to exercise more and grow longer, so my father came to pick me up only when it rained heavily and snowed heavily. Usually I walked.

she said, you lied!

I remember this paragraph too clearly. It gets dark early in winter and our classroom is on the first floor, so the lights have been turned on in the second class in the afternoon. I sat in the last row, and the lamp was always black. When I stood up, I could hear the low sound of the lamp.

but it's strange that I can remember what happened at that time, but I can't remember my mental activity. it's like a movie that keeps me on my mind, full of a sense of unemotional stripping.

she and another teacher leaned against the radiator in front of the classroom. The teacher was new and taught math to the two classes next door. She just looked at me. My head teacher said I was lying. Then she asked, who in our class has a car? Hands up?

No one raised their hands but me.

she said that if you look at the whole class, your family is the best, and there are cars! Is there a plane?

the whole class laughed.

she asked again, who believes that the family of sweet-scented osmanthus trees has a car to raise their hands.

even I didn't raise my hand.

she smiled, and then she asked, Why don't you raise your hand?

I asked her, can I raise my hand? With that, I raised my hand.

the new teacher who did not speak laughed, and the students also heard low laughter. The daring one simply turned to look at me, and the head teacher did not care.

Our collection of black and white prom dresses are bound to dazzle and bewitch you. Worry free the minute you buy.

she said, sweet-scented osmanthus tree, you really love vanity, so you don't learn well!

love vanity. It took me several years to learn to express the same meaning in vanity.

the matter of whether my family has a car or not was not solved until I was in middle school. The middle school teacher is good to me, after all, it is a boarding school, and everyone's family background is the same as that of doing things fairly. In addition, the children have grown up and the means of education are completely different from those of primary schools. I study well without causing trouble. My biggest hobby is to organize class activities. Class cadres who basically belong to the fascist class require that everything be uniform and obey orders, otherwise they will be punched and punched. Is it the so-called success of the villain or the sudden wealth of the poor? But the teacher likes me especially.

my father changed to a second car, which seems to be a crown, or he doesn't know what car it is. My father and I got into a fight and turned upside down, so we basically didn't see each other. The Lexus became a spare car. Once it rained heavily and I had a migraine attack. My dad's colleague went to school to pick me up for acupuncture and drove that half-new Lexus.

on the way, I saw this head teacher, holding an umbrella, strong wind and heavy rain, carrying a bag of vegetables, awkwardly waiting for the bus. I said, Uncle, that is my primary school head teacher. Shall we pick her up?

our head teacher saw me and stayed and said, how can it be you?

because she is my head teacher, my father's colleague is also very polite and comes down to open the door in person. she gets on the bus after being polite for a few times.

during my years in primary school, she had never been so kind to me as she did in the last few minutes by car. She heard that I was the monitor and grade leader, and praised me as a genius with my father's colleagues.

she still uses the same snowflake cream, and the aroma still smells good. This kind of fragrance is supposed to match such a smile.

that day, I was so kind to her that I almost got down on my knees and kissed the dirt under her feet.. This is what I always wanted to fight for when I was in primary school, and it is also a child's greatest vision for school, isn't it?

at that time, I only thought that I must have done a bad job so that the teacher didn't like me. At that time, my parents thought that the most important thing in school was learning, and those interpersonal relationships, students' mood and things outside their schoolwork were trivial. At that time, teachers could let students stand outside the classroom for a day with a sign saying "I'm a poor student". They didn't think it was corporal punishment.

I, my parents, don't think it's corporal punishment either.

the difference is that they do not consider it a punishment to separate a student from the class.

the early stage of the sports meeting in which I could not participate, as long as everyone went downstairs to practice downstairs with their schoolbags half an hour before school was over, I drew pictures in the empty classroom, which was called the autumn sports meeting. (the motive for painting is unknown. In fact, I don't like painting very much, and I don't draw well, the most important thing is that at that time, I could climb over the wall to buy delicious food or leave directly. No one cared about me, but I usually stayed and waited for them to finish school together, because that was the closest time for me to this activity. I drew a lot of autumn sports meetings, and the art teacher gave me the highest score. )

if you do not participate in the sports meeting, you will not participate in the square team. If you are not a squadron leader, you will not be a squadron leader. Who cares? no matter how she treats you, you have always studied very well. That FXX is just a clerk at the social security window now. How can he compare with you? One must go through hardships in order to succeed! If she treats you like FXX, your development may not be as good as it is now.

when I was in my twenties, because I experienced a serious psychological collapse, my psychiatrist asked me to talk to my parents about the experience.

above is the answer I got.

I translated this paragraph to him. The psychiatrist paused for a moment and said, they are wrong, you have done well enough, you have done well enough. I guess he is also confused, said that the parents get the whole story will be able to comfort client with him? Why is this the plot?!

before I was in high school, I didn't think too much about the causes and consequences of this incident in primary school. I will be teased at the classmate reunion. You were so dishonest when you were a child, you rebelled when you were young, you were the one with the most penalty stations in the class, and you were the most disobedient. You could only put you in the last row and sit alone, and you could send cards to the captain to harass him.

it just goes by. I think so, too. Maybe I'm just naughty, right?

until late one night after I was in high school, in the dormitory bed, half-dreaming and half-awake, it was as if I had been struck by lightning and ran through the whole plot.

then I suddenly sat up in a dream, as if I saw the true face of a close person like an alien. I was scared, and then I was very angry.

I also had an idea to tell my family, but it has been so long that it seems to have passed the prosecution period. What can I say? When I was a child, the head teacher forbade me to go to the sports meeting, or when I was a child, the head teacher forbade Or let me sit alone in the corner of the classroom? There is a good reason for everything. Because I was cautious in primary school, I had a few habits that were not good but actually good-making mistakes would first review myself, make sure that I was good at dealing with bad relationships, and that I would not be easily irritated. All this, coupled with the liberation after middle school and the crazy rebound in the need to participate in team activities, was neutralized after I woke up in high school.

I only ask for peace, but I won't give in. Once I get angry, I have death wish. Every time I see the sentence "I am afraid of myself when I go crazy", I don't think it's funny. I'm really scared of myself. And I can't face praise. Every compliment embarrasses me, and if it continues, it will arouse my disgust. There is nothing to be gallant about, either adultery or theft.

but it's something in return, right?

I will not lose to a man, I can try my best to turn things around when things are deadlocked, and I don't like to hear praise, which can easily be interpreted as modesty.

so what my mother said is also right, if it were not for the habits formed in primary school, I might not be as arrogant and comfortable as I am now.

but many things go the same way, such as the mood of a person who wants to study hard and live up to the teacher's expectations of himself. With a person who can only study hard to raise his hand to answer every question, otherwise the teacher will not ask me to answer the question, my classmates will be more unwilling to listen to me to learn, or the mood is not the same.

my psychiatrist's greatest help to me is that he allows me to face my true love and hate, so that I can no longer let it go, or it's something I can't control, or I don't want to talk about it. Just let nature take its course.

he asked me what you would do if I met your teacher again.

I said I would ask her, did you get happiness when you treated a child that way? Do you want your child to face what happened to me? Why would you do that?

in fact, this kind of problem can only be taken seriously among people who are sincere about educated. And even if I really asked my head teacher, she would not answer me directly. She will prevaricate and deny it, just like I did before-I don't think she's bad to me, she's just helping me grow up. I must have done something wrong. Because once I thought she was mean to me and she was abusing me, I lost my last Barrier. And if she admits that she treated a child like that, her self-defined role as an engineer of the human soul will collapse.

for a long time after high school, I couldn't fall asleep every time I thought about it, and now I won't think about it anymore.There is an impulse to "where is the knife? I'm going to hack this stupid teacher." it's a long time. During this period, I kept telling myself that I had made the best choice I could make under the circumstances, and I had done well enough.

but it's a long time, and it would have been even longer if it hadn't been for my psychiatrist.

this is why I think raising a child is too difficult. You don't know where the harm comes from. You may not even know that it is hurt. And when the damage is done, you may not even understand what happened to your child. Your loss equals his loss, your pain equals his pain, but you can't understand each other.

I don't know how to end such an article.

Why don't you tell me why I quarreled with her.

I thought for a long time that this should be the cause of everything.

A new music teacher came to our school, handsome and handsome, the nephew of my mother's old leader. My mother asked him to teach me how to play saxophone during the holiday. Our head teacher is quite beautiful. Someone introduced her to the music teacher, but the music teacher didn't like her. After class that afternoon, the music teacher asked me to send two movie tickets to our head teacher and told her to take care of herself. I was really at recess, when all the teachers were in the office, I put these two tickets on her desk and said, Mr. X asked me to tell you to take care of yourself.

it was the first day of school and the first day of my nightmare.

I suddenly feel amused at this point.