How to become a special "talker"?

How to become a special "talker"?

Language is a very important thing. It not only has the power to warm the heart, but also has the ability to make you feel extremely painful, it is not only unpredictable but also unpredictable magic.

always feel that "chatting" and "talking" is an important skill. Whether we work, live, or fall in love, we all express our thoughts and share our feelings through words. I think the so-called "able to talk" does not mean to pick what others like to hear but to be able to better understand other people's ideas and properly express their wishes at the same time. Learning this skill well will be of great help to love, relationships, or the workplace.

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one, listen & amp; master the rhythm

all annoying people have one thing in common, that is, they "don't care about other people's feelings at all." I'm sure a lot of people have met "torture" talkers. Looking through the transcripts of your chat with him, 90% of the 10 conversations were from him asking you all kinds of questions, from where your parents work to your income and personal life. This "unique way of communication" gives you the illusion that you are being picked up and interrogated by the enemy. In addition, I know some "performing" talkers who don't give you a chance to talk. They go on and on about how awesome they are and give you a set of life principles. They do not need normal communication, but eagerly turn every conversation into a stage and give everyone a free talk show, just to satisfy their fanatical desire for performance. Of course, you can ask questions, but be sure to grasp the boundaries of frequency and privacy; don't talk about yourself endlessly, give the other person a chance to speak. The rhythm of the conversation is a very important thing, it determines whether you can communicate happily or not. By the way, if you don't hate the other person, try smiling and keeping a friendly expression. Before any conversation, please remember to listen to each other instead of asking nonsense.

second, do not complain, be euphemistic

probably complain too much, so people begin to think that "complaining" is a cool thing. Sometimes, it's nice to watch jokes about complaints, but it's not the case at all when it's your turn. You may be angry, especially if you are complained about by someone who is not close enough. In real life, except for crosstalk performers, complaining will not make you look funny and humorous, but will give people the impression that you are "impolite and cultured". The annoying thing about complaining is that you sprinkle a large pot of salt on the other person's pain to show "to the point of cheap fun." it doesn't help you solve any problems. on the contrary, it may make things look worse. Even in the United States, where films like "bankrupt Girl" are made, well-educated young people are very euphemistic and polite. On the occasion of life, everyone tends to be "May I ask your name?". Instead of "What is your name?" When boys pay the bill, they often say "I will take care of it". Please pay attention to the usage of "take care". If you want to be regarded as a well-behaved person, be sure to use more honorific and thanks, and say more polite words such as "please", "excuse me" and "I don't know if it's convenient for you" when asking for help. When the other party has contributed to the project, say more "Thank you for your XX." When refusing a request, you can be firm, but in euphemistic terms, you can say, "I'm sorry, I really can't help you with this. Would you like to consider other ways, such as …". In short, don't leave with a word, make the other person feel valued and respected.

third, accurately understand other people's information

many people talk annoyingly and miss the point, often because they cannot accurately understand the message conveyed by others, or are so arrogant that they disdain to understand others. When someone says a word to us, it sends us a message. Before giving back this information, we must analyze and process this information. First of all, you have to judge the other person's mood, is he happy, depressed, or in urgent need of comfort? Second, you should pause for a moment and refine in your mind what the other person is talking about. And why would he say that? what's his motive? The next question is, what question does the other person want you to solve and answer? It may be a little tiring to use this method at first, but keep thinking and you will find that your speaking ability will improve in a very short time. In the final analysis, the improvement of expression ability comes from thinking.

IV. Express your opinion accurately

And borrow money from you. If you reluctantly say "yes", the other person will be happy, but not you; the abusive EX asks you to get back together, and if you say "no problem", the other person will go home with delight and have a good night's sleep, and your nightmare will begin. Before you speak, don't promise something you don't want to do to make the other person happy. Especially in the face of an important commitment, please touch your heart and ask, "what do I want this to be like?" "what do I want?". You can make the other person feel comfortable in attitude, but when it comes to specific decisions, you must follow your heart. After defining your position, you need to sort out the tedious ideas in the order of 1, 2, 3 in your mind. When the train of thought and context becomes clear, you try to convey the message to each other one by one. All in all, think clearly before you open your mouth, don't worry about nonsense and promises, and don't throw your thoughts at others. Organized expression is like a popsicle in 37 °summer, giving people a refreshing pleasure; using the organized expression in the workplace, colleagues, and bosses will think you are more professional and trustworthy.

5. Identify with each other's feelings

when the other person feels bad, so it's irritating to leave a few words like "this is what life is like" and "this is your choice". Who doesn't understand these principles, and who doesn't know how to say them?! Sometimes, when friends ask us for advice and talk to us, it is a sign of trust in us, and they think that the fragility of this moment can be shared with us. No matter what you can do for him, at least affirm his emotions and don't be stingy with comforting words and warm hugs. Sometimes, "being recognized" is the best cure; for friends in trouble, the words "I know you" and "Don't cry, I'm here" are more comforting than any reprimand.

VI. I'm not teaching you flattery

some people will ask worriedly, "learning to speak" is tantamount to giving up who you are? My answer is, when you were a baby, you kept crying, and now you know how to refrain, does it mean that you have lost yourself? Of course not. Everyone evolves or degenerates with time and experience, and you will be different at different stages. We are no longer adolescent children, and it is childish to avoid correcting ourselves with the excuse of "I don't want to lose myself". It's important to be cool, but it's better not to be cool on key things. I don't agree with the values of flattery and flattery, and I don't encourage people to do such things. "Learning to speak" does not emphasize this, it emphasizes taking care of and understanding others, and expressing yourself in an accurate and organized manner. It is a skill that can improve the quality of life, just like learning to cook or play the cello. Believe it or not, language is a very important thing after all. It not only has the power to warm the heart but also can make you feel extremely painful, it is not only unpredictable but also unpredictable magic. By communicating with friends and loved ones, we gradually begin to believe that "I am not alone in this world". Therefore, please cherish this special human skill and seriously master it and treat it.