Fat is the part of self that can't be realized.

I chatted with my close friend in high school yesterday. Her daughter is in high school this year. During the holiday, she went to Beijing New Oriental boarding School for a month. She didn't even leave the school gate. She didn't see what Beijing looked like, but she gained more than ten jin of meat.

my friend Mei said that all children in China are like this, and children of this age are the ugliest.

I stopped to think about it. I didn't seem to look good when I was a teenager. In this way, it seems that the ugliness of adolescence is a common rule. However, this is not the case when American children are teenagers. It's just the opposite.

I noticed a long time ago that American teenage girls are the most beautiful. They grow very fast, from 11 or 12 years old to 15 or 16 years old, a little girl becomes a sexy girl. High school students are more mature. I often regard high school girls as adults when I first arrived. American adolescent children have a kind of sunshine and natural beauty. When I run on the beach during the summer vacation, I often see groups of high school students playing on the beach. Girls wear bikinis, with long hair without exception, and their body lines are so perfect and innocent. They run and play in the sun, frowning and smiling. Look, I can breathe air conditioner. The same goes for boys. Anyone standing in the sun in beach pants is reminiscent of a model on a billboard.

they are so beautiful that they make me jealous.

Why are American adolescent children the most beautiful, while Chinese adolescent children are the ugliest?

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more than ten jin of meat a month, which I did when I was a teenager. From high school to college, I have been gaining weight. At that time, it seemed that there was nothing more interesting in the world than eating. I was hungry every minute, and I didn't feel full. When I think about it, the degree of fatness and thinness in my life is always related to happiness.

the unhappiest time was in the year of college military training when my weight peaked at 140 jin. I still remember some fragments of life at that time, Nanchang Army College is very beautiful, with sweet-scented osmanthus in autumn, mountains of rhododendron in spring, gardenia in summer sneaking into the dream. But I am so unhappy, I can not live a military training life, wear the same clothes, listen to orders, practice walking and shout slogans on the playground. Like a walking corpse, more like a trapped animal in a cage. My daily hope is to go to the vendor selling waffles on campus in the evening, the broken biscuits from the nearby waffle factory, 4 yuan a jin, and a big Kraft paper bag, to be wrapped in my hands. I eagerly carried it back to the dormitory, gasping for breath and stuffing it into my mouth. Before I noticed the time, a bag of waffles was gone.

can you not get fat by eating like this? But I can't help myself. We can't help ourselves. All the girls in our class are fat, and the least of them have gained more than ten jin. We are anxious while eating, and everyone is trying every means to lose weight. As a result, most people could not lose weight at all, while a small number of people went to the other extreme. Our monitor got gastroptosis and was so thin that she was left with bones. In the fog of the public bathhouse, I saw her two hips propped up under her skin, and there was no meat on her buttocks, which remained in my mind forever. She is a beauty from Anhui Province. She was warm and sweet when she first entered school. Another classmate from Beijing, different departments also have different classes, but I remember her because she lost weight too much and got anorexia, so she had to stop her studies and go home for medical treatment.

but we were so ignorant at that time that no one thought that eating and weight disorders were psychological problems. Because we are unhappy, our adolescence, which is just blooming when we are young, is seriously suppressed and distorted. Our nature cannot be released.

then I spent many years fighting against my fat. Not only was I fat, but I also thought I was ugly.

since I was a child, I knew I was not pretty enough. When I was a child, I went out with my famous beauty mother and was stopped by an acquaintance in the street. I asked\ & quot; which daughter is this? \ & quot; went on to say\ & quot; Gee, it's a pity that they don't look like you\ & quot; My mother looked at me and turned to tell an acquaintance that\ & quot; she was not ugly. Quote; they talked so kindly and lively as if they were talking about a pot of flowers by the side of the road.

each time, I stood on the street leading to the vegetable market, not knowing what to do, smiling at her or not looking at her at all. I don't know if it's my fault that I'm not as good-looking as my mother, but from then on, I decided to be a bad-looking person. I never looked good again. Everyone who knew me said that the three of you sisters are not as good-looking as your mother. All three of us will raise the corners of our mouths and turn our heads with a smile.

I never thought about how good-looking it would be to reach the standard of\ & quot; good-looking\ & quot; I just hate myself. I am not the only one. In college, all my peers think they are fat and ugly. We spent a lot of time talking about who was prettier than who, and we were sad about a pair of jeans that couldn't fit in, walking down the street, envious of the girl with long legs. At that time, I always wore big clothes, didn't care all over my face, and my heart was full of confusion and anger. I felt that nothing was wrong in this world. At that time, I had no time to read except for school exams. I didn't read anything except the four masterpieces of Qiong Yao's novels. I know nothing about psychology. I don't know that I have regarded myself as a commodity. I want to adapt to the needs of the market. I want to become a commodity bought by someone, not myself.

Yes, I know now why I was unhappy at that time. I never got permission to be myself. Whether the cause of this is society, school education, family, or all these collisions at all, let me make my body a scapegoat and destroy it for so many years. I hated it and thought it was its fault that I was not perfect. No one has ever told me that I am unique and beautiful and that I can be myself.

then I graduated and went to work, things began to get better, and I lost weight back to my normal appearance. I can work, live independently, and choose my clothes and friends. I still remember the happiness I felt in my first year of work. At that time, I was so poor, living in an unheated bungalow and sharing an open-air public toilet with my neighbors, but I wanted to smile at every stranger when I walked down the street. Today, many people regard the 1990s as a happy era, with rapid economic development, full of opportunities and new things. For me, the reason for happiness is nothing more than the freedom to be myself.

Yes, I have come to believe that the happier you are, the better your weight will be. Fat is the part of yourself that you can't achieve. A blooming life cannot have too much flesh. What finally made me believe in the relationship between weight and psychology was the past three years in the United States. From a Chinese point of view, this country has an inexplicable habit of praising each other, and everyone will exaggerate each other when they meet. Parents say to their children\ & quot; you are the best in the world husband says Beauty to his worried BWH wife almost every American does. My American husband praises me every day. I sound like a radio channel, regularly turning on those flashy advertisements. In my cynical Chinese heart, I feel that this is American hypocrisy. How can I be so good?

but things gradually change. Later, my Chinese friend saw my picture and began to say, you are getting better.

 I am skeptical, half put off, year after year. One day, I suddenly found that I no longer thought I was not good-looking. I am no longer afraid of wearing shorts to reveal my thick calves, nor am I afraid of being laughed at with a big head and a flat chest. I no longer try to hide my shortcomings when I buy clothes. I looked in the mirror and thought, ah, I'm really pretty.

at the same time, my body is back to its healthiest state. I love sports. I used to have an ideal weight, but I don't have much muscle. Now I often climb mountains, run and ride bicycles, without fat on my body. Before the age of 40, I finally had no dissatisfaction with my body. At the same time, I don't care what other people think of my body.

before, I saw someone write an article arguing about which age a woman is the most beautiful. I always think about it, but I can't come up with the answer. Now I see such an article, and I don't even read it. What is beauty? The author of this kind of article has no idea and has come to guide others.

every time I see an American teenage girl, I think. I hope our next generation of children in China can be so unrestrained and beautiful.

Unfortunately, this does not seem to be the case.