A love confession history of a boy in Tsinghua University

1

do you know why I always stay in my seat at recess and don't go out to play?

because you always bow your head to study.

No,

because I can sneak a peek at you in my position.

2

because I can catch a glimpse of you.

I was sitting by the window. One day you were standing under a walnut tree talking to someone. I stood up and happened to see you. You were eating ice cream and talking to other boys. I sat down and picked up the book and pretended to read. I looked at your side face, looked at your short ponytail dyed yellow, flickered, watched you beat the other boys, and then the names of the boys who talked to you. I wrote it all down in my notebook. I pretended to know them and said hello to them when I met them on the way. It turned out that they were just a bunch of pretty but boring guys, and some of them had the habit of xx in the morning.

you can't see me. You can't see me in any way I show up. And I don't want to disturb you.

I also know that if you know that I like you, it will disturb you very little, so many people like you, you know, and euphemistically keep your distance, if I like you this matter is known by everyone, it is more disturbing to myself than to you. The pursuit of a boy is not a big deal to you, just like eating rice mixed with stones, thump, know it exists, just spit it out. But the stone you spit out will be thrown into another world. The whole environment he lives in will change, the course of his life will change, he may not go to Tsinghua University, or he may face the sun at a construction site and deal with the pebbles you spit out in front of the rumbling blender.

to put it this way, it's not like a man's behavior at all, but like a little girl who doesn't love or love anyone, right?

but I don't know how to get close to you. At that time, my grades were only in the middle and upper reaches of the class. I didn't dare to take the lead or fall behind. I used to think about not studying and staying with you. But looking at the guys you stayed with gave up the idea.

later, learning from other students during the final exam, I made some cheat notes in advance. Although I was too timid to read it, I seemed to be able to see the answer through the plank of my desk. The answer was very smooth. When it was my turn to take the math and physics exam, I also glanced at Zhou Huiying's answer. Later, at the classmate reunion, I met Zhou Huiying, who was teaching in the county and told her about plagiarism. She asked me to pay 100,000 yuan for those answers. She said that she had helped me change my fate. She also wiped the child's mouth. The milky sheep oil was covered with the child's neckline. Her chubby fish business husband sat beside him and picked up the wine glass. Slightly difficult to stand up, the chair behind him slammed to the ground, the sound was so loud that he didn't seem to hear it. He kept joking and joking. I had a cup with him and looked at him carefully for the first time. I sold fresh shrimp with kelp, but he looked like a pork man. I stuffed fifty thousand yuan in her child's pocket after the party, and there was only so much cash on me after checking out.

because Zhou Huiying is not joking, she is telling the truth.

after that score came out, I won first place in my class for the first time.

my grades can slowly make me different from the crowd. I can also feel the difference between teachers and classmates towards me. I seldom ask questions in class at the beginning, but since I took first place in the class, the teacher often mentioned my name. when he said something on the stage, I happened to raise my head, all the teachers will also look at me with extremely gentle eyes, which is the kind of eyes that are not bored but like. I think you were born to be a good person. I was panicked at first. I was hated by teachers and did a lot of bad students. I didn't know how to catch these eyes, and then I got used to it.

among these changes, I know that there is only one person who becomes stronger and better, better and better, and those who are taller and taller are disgusted with you. First-class people will feel that their world will change for the better because they know you. Don't you think that's strange? At the same time, I also found that learning is the simplest thing in the world. If you give, there will be an immediate return. It is nothing more than time and effort to practice and review, time to become familiar with the knowledge and use it. If you invest a lot of time to digest all the knowledge points, then the examination based on knowledge points is naturally also very pediatric.

since then, I have been the first in every exam. The more secure the first position, the harder it is to get down. Unless you lose the necessary mind.

the change of life, in a very small time, in high school, in junior high school, when you were young, as long as you spent time on one thing, it was possible to catch the wheel of fate and reverse it. Let it turn to the direction you want to go, the simple thing is to work hard, and the difficult thing is to make efforts. The huge difference in life is also accumulated by this little bit of time. Although most of the time, until we are old to death, we do not realize the reminders that the ancients and modern people do not understand the sentences but have similar meanings.

this is a truth that I suddenly realized when I grew up. At that time, I seldom reflected and thought about it. Later, you asked me why I lived the dream life performed on TV, with a big house with a swimming pool, a sports car, and my own company. You were there waiting for me to answer. I wanted to laugh at that time, but I said, thanks to Zhou Yinghui, I should give her 100,000 yuan.

because I am lucky, vanity is the first driving force of my efforts.

3

the day I received the admission letter from Tsinghua University, I was very want to come to you.

I almost walked to your door, but when I saw your brother patting you on the shoulder, you seemed to be crying in that yellow dress you wore only when you saw that guy. I found your name on the score list yesterday. Speaking like what just happened yesterday, I huddled in the crowd to find your name. Many people were looking for your name, and my name ranked first. I heard many people quietly pointing at me, saying that this person is the first, the third in the province, and has received two notices from Peking University and Tsinghua University. I know that I am still standing there, probably said by many people, it is vanity the first name is you, still standing here to occupy other people's space.

I don't care what other people think or say. I want to find out where you are, what kind of school you can go to, and whether you will go to Beijing.

finally found it on page four.

your grades can only be admitted to three universities. I wanted to tell you that you could start all over again and take the exam for another year. I was waiting for you at Tsinghua University. But seeing you crying, and don't know how to say these words, will make you think I'm showing off something. I stood across the street for a long time and secretly followed you to the snack bar next to the gas station. I bought Cholates ice cream. You like to eat ice cream with chocolate best. You said you would pretend there was nothing in it. Suddenly you will be very happy, unhappy, or very happy to eat this kind of ice cream.

every time I look at you from the window, you are reluctant to eat it. First, eat the white ice cream next to you with your eyes closed, then open your eyes to see the chocolate that is leaking out, and take a sip of the black chocolate. Chocolate, at that time, I used to think that if I had money in the future, I would build you a chocolate factory and eat as much as you want. Later, when I took my wife to the White Love Chocolate Factory in Sapporo, I watched the black and white chocolates move on the conveyor belt. I immediately thought of you. I thought of you that summer, sitting on the edge of the flower bed under the walnut tree in a yellow dress, swinging your feet, your mouth covered with chocolates, and talking to the guy you loved who had the habit of xx in the morning. You should like it very much, right? although it is flashy and only a barbershop owner in the end, if I were a girl, I would also like a boy with a good face, not to mention that he was a junior official who checked hygiene before class every day.

but as a boy, I don't like him, or even hate him very much. He is light and slim, he is extremely selfish, he comes to a dead-end in doing things, he cannot bear hardships, he is glib, he is not single-minded and he is not upright. I knew from the beginning that a slacker like him was destined to rely on his face to do everything. I'm sorry, I may have gone a little too far, but then you should know that, too.

but you liked him very much at that time, so I would say something more or less.

if I was the one standing next to you talking to you, I would gently wipe the chocolate off your mouth. At that time, your skin, ah, could pop up with water. Your chubby face and long eyelashes bent up to form a lovely arc when you laughed. When I came to Japan, I saw animated posters of MiyazakiHayao all over the street. Every girl in it looks like you. All the beauty of a young girl is on you. I couldn't find it in anyone else, or there was one, but I just couldn't see it at the time.

you said something at the door of the commissary, and then your brother left, and you stood there alone. The cicada was very loud, the sun was very hot, and I could see your bulging side face and your reflection in the sun. You covered your face and began to cry again. I wanted to go over and hug you, and then the guy went crazy from the other side on an old motorcycle and picked you up.

I hate him, even hate him. If I had not been admitted to Tsinghua University that year, the first thing I would have done was to beat him with a black mask, give him what was under him, and admit to going to prison. But it's all imagination.

I wandered around town for a long time and walked around your door many times until I didn't go home until the evening.

that night, many teachers came to our house, stayed for a long time, recalled my changes, and told them what to do after I went to university. when I saw them off, my mother's face suddenly grew young. the next day she specially put on an ochre dress and turned out a blue scarf. I told her not to wear silk scarves in summer, but she said they would wear them all year round. She was wearing this scarf when she and my father first met in the park. I stared at my mother's neck and thought of you again. The first time I saw you were in the middle of junior high school. You ran to the west playground for PE class, carrying a big schoolbag and a square scarf on your arm. It was yellow. You pretended that you could not come to class with a stomachache, and you dared to go to the Internet bar to play games, and you were exposed by the class. The PE teacher went to the game hall to find you, and then you ran away from the game hall. Our class is cleaning the playground. I am in charge of the area where you have PE class. You passed through me like the wind and almost tripped on the broom in my hand, but you started running again without looking back.

later, your PE teacher called your headteacher and asked you to stand outside the line. I guess he picked on you because he liked your female teacher who just graduated. The two of them talked for a long time. Later, I thought you were in the way, so I asked you to stand under the plane tree next to you. But your hands are not honest. Take a knife out of your schoolbag and carve words on the tree.

when you leave, I run to the tree where you stand. You draw a dog with a long tail and an animal whose name can't be seen. There are two names written next to it, with a big cross on the back. At that time, I just thought you were funny and cute when you pouted.

I volunteered not to report, but I still wanted to see you. Although the task my teacher gave me that day was to give a speech to my brothers and sisters, my mother followed, washed the scarf, dried it in the middle of the night, and put a perfume of sweet-scented osmanthus on the head of the bed. this was the first time she wore perfume and lipstick after my father died. I stood in the living room waiting for her, and she combed her hair and told me about my father's life. What I think about is to see what you say to you, persuade you to break up with that guy, take the exam for another year, and I'll wait for you.

I remember that morning our classmates and parents were huddled in that small office, waiting for the teacher to call one by one to fill in the volunteer. It was nothing for me. I just needed to prepare a speech in the auditorium, but I deliberately leaned against the door and watched a lot of people go in and out, led their suggestions, and called other relatives. Although very eye-catching, this is the only place that will not miss you, I wait for you, want to muster up the courage to grab your arm, say cheer for you, tell you I wait for you, give you a surprise.

you came with your father. I began to be nervous when I saw you from afar. When you walked by, you didn't look at me but walked directly into the classroom with your head held high. When everyone talked and said that I was admitted to Tsinghua University in our class, and it was the third place in the province, you glanced at me, and there was no envy or surprise in your eyes. It's as if I just knew that that person was the only one in the school who was admitted to Tsinghua University and came out of a small town in a junior high school with you.

at that moment, I found that Tsinghua, which I longed for, might be nothing in your eyes.

you may not know, that understatement glance, a glance containing nothing, like a sharp needle, punctured the inflating balloon. I saw it dissipate all its breath in an instant, falling slowly from high altitude to muddy water, and you came over and stepped on it.

I immediately walked away and went to the school auditorium to wait for my speech. When I saw my mother talking to the headmaster about that blue scarf, I went to her and told her that the scarf was ugly and made her face fat, swollen and short. My mother stared at me, trying to strangle me at once. But she didn't say anything or have an attack.

she took it off before she got the bonus.

that year, the college entrance examination not only got me into Tsinghua University but also made me earn the first money of my life. There were bonuses given by us in high school, bonuses from junior high schools, and free bonuses from the government. During the summer vacation, I made advertisements and lectures to a tutoring institution. These were more or less almost 100,000 yuan. My mother rented out the shop according to the year, moved a bonus of 50,000, and bought a house with bottom merchants in the county. It's the one across the street from the government where you used to live. At that time, our headteacher also gave her several thousand yuan, which was the 30,000 yuan rewarded by the school. At that time, 10,000 was already a huge sum for an ordinary high school teacher. The house price in the county town was 1551 flat, and Miss Liu did not buy a house. Instead, she rented a house and secretly ran a tutoring class with her husband. Later, when I was studying at Tsinghua University, I learned that her child was seriously ill and returned it with the money from her part-time job.

those who shout for fairness suggest abolishing the college entrance examination system, which is the stupid slackers who stand up and talk without pain, and it is unfair to abolish the college entrance examination system. No matter how bad the college entrance examination is, it is also an exit, following the law of natural selection in the animal world. Behind the proposal to abolish the college entrance examination system is something that slackers and idiots have the right to propose. How can the poor have the time and exit to speak? But I don't think you'll think about these things either.

4  

after I went to college, my grades were still one of my goals. Except for studying and you, there were more interesting things in my life. I joined the Mountain Eagle Society. During the holidays, I used the rest of the bonus to climb the mountain with my alumni. I bought a computer and an expensive mountain bike with the bonus given by the school and the government. I went to Baiwang Mountain with my friends on weekends to ride the mountain road. In those years, there were large and small hills around Beijing. I've even ridden a bike on a wild mountain that no one has ever been to. Some mountain roads are so narrow that there is only room for one person to walk, while others are untraveled, and beside them are thorny trees and deep valleys. I like to do these challenges because at that time my attention is very focused, and every time I ride a difficult road, I feel closer to myself and farther away from you.

in this way, life becomes so rich that I almost forget you.

in the second half of my junior year, you suddenly added my qq. At that time, I already started using Wechat. I seldom went to see qq, but I don't know why I boarded it as soon as I got back from the English Corner of the National people's Congress. I saw that you left me a message a week ago and asked me if I had time. You are in Beijing now.

I read that message many times. After reading it, I ran from the dormitory to the door of Tsinghua Garden, walked out of the school gate, and walked around Old Summer Palace. You may not know how big that circle is. It took me more than an hour to touch the Tsinghua school gate. It's noon already.

back to the dormitory, I replied to you and said, "I just came back from self-study. If you are free tomorrow, come to the Blue Mountain Cafe and I will send you the address."

but worried that it would be a too male chauvinist, I deleted it.

"where are you? I'll come to you. "

delete.

"Are you still in Beijing? I'm sorry. I just read the message."

delete.

finally, there is only one sentence: there is time.

it's funny to think about it. I spent an hour around Old Summer Palace thinking about how to reply to you, but in the end, it was just the simplest answer to the question.

after sending the message, I have been waiting for your reply. I, who never installed any software on my phone, went to qq on purpose, and this time I went to browse your space aboveboard. In the past, I also wanted to go in and see how you were doing, but I didn't dare to go. As soon as Qzone went in, he would show who read your page. I don't want you to know that people who never talk to you care about you. It makes sense for you to come to me and I'll browse your space.

you went to Taiyuan to study in a junior college. Your boyfriend in high school attended a hairdressing school in Dalian. When you were a freshman, you went to Dalian to find him, but since then, the guy who liked xx in the morning did not appear in your photo album. Half a year later, you made a new boyfriend and almost laughed when you saw his appearance. He was as tall as you, very black, and had a haircut. I enlarged it. There are pits left by acne on his face, and his two eyebrows are locked tightly in the middle of his eyebrows, like Japanese war criminals in the movie. The picture of you has also changed. The clothes do look better than before, but I can't say where they have changed. I can't say what's missing. When I saw you, I came home and thought about it for a long time before I realized what was missing that made you different.

I go through your previous experiences every day. These are all things I particularly want to know. When I first entered Tsinghua University, I sat in the five teachings and studied by myself. I would think about what you were doing, who you were talking to, what you ate, whether you were happy, did you make any new friends, or did you have no one to talk to like me? You certainly won't be as bored as I am. You must have a lot of new friends and a lot of things to laugh at.

at that time, I was surrounded by rich children at home. I didn't have to work in the summer. I could go to Hungary, Italy, and Thailand for a holiday. Now, those students who were once envied by me are not rich families, but also ordinary families, but our origins are too low. I looked at them and thought of you, what kind of life would you live if you grew up in their circle?

at that time, I was still very thin and as quiet as before, although I was much better after joining the club and cycling. But looking back, it was very pitiful, and it made people see at a glance that it was very poor.

Don't talk about myself, let's talk about you.

I see from your space that you have come to work in Beijing. The internship arranged by the school is in a big hotel near Chaoyangmen. You will send some photos of shopping, going to Xidan, going to the zoo, and visiting Tiananmen Square and the Great Wall. Yellow hair turned to purple hair, and girls on the street dyed that kind of lavender hair that year, just like grandma gray is popular now. When you were young, you were always in fashion.

more than nine o'clock in the evening on the fifth day, you finally replied to my message. You typed very quickly and explained things clearly in succession.

it turns out that the boyfriend you made in your sophomore year was an upperclassman at Taiyuan Institute of Technology. In my senior year, I wanted to be a graduate student at Tsinghua University, and asked me if I could get the contact information of my tutor.

True.

5  

although I have spent three years at Tsinghua University, the university is a university, high school is a high school, and teachers are also people who walk away after class. Usually, except for 45 minutes in class, I seldom have too much personal communication with students. Besides, I am not a very beautiful girl, and I have no relatives who can help teachers do scientific research projects, so find mentors from other colleges. Still dragged a lot of friends from the club to arrive.

is just contact information and home address.

by the way, I found him the examination questions and materials of that department over the years, as well as the contact information of several graduate students who did extracurricular tutoring to earn money. I said I'll send you the information, but you say no, you come and pick it up and send it to him. What was his name Zheng Da? I forgot.

the day you came, I was very nervous. I woke up at four or five o'clock in the morning. I ran on the playground for more than an hour until I was sweating. I took a shower in the bathhouse and ate a lot of rice, two bowls of Millet Congee, two plates of fish, and a large order of scrambled eggs with tomatoes. I feel like I need to have enough to eat. Every time I met you inadvertently on campus, my palms would sweat.

this time you said you wanted to visit Tsinghua Garden. Tsinghua Garden is very small. It takes an hour to walk. I want to show you a little more.

I have been waiting for you at the gate of Tsinghua University since more than seven o'clock in the morning. I should have gone to the entrance of the subway station, to save you from walking alone, but I felt that waiting at the gate of Tsinghua Garden would be more serious and more serious to me. So something very funny happened, so don't laugh at me. I rode my bike and hesitated back and forth between the subway station and Tsinghua Garden. I turned around a dozen times until I was tired. Just tell yourself to forget it, put down your shelf, there's no need.

so I decided to stay at the subway entrance of the east gate of Peking University to pick you up so that you could see me as soon as you came up. I was excited when I wanted to be excited, and I was excited when I wanted to be excited. I shouldn't have any airs and pretend to hide anything. After so many years, I should follow my feelings to face you, no resistance, no hypocrisy.

Looking for a fabulous sister of groom dresses that will fit any occasion? Let them shower you with a display of exquisite taste.

three hours later, you finally came up from the ground, with a girl next to you. You said it was your colleague who had been in that hotel for several years. She wore a lot of makeup, was much faster than you, had yellow hair, wore riveted denim shorts, super shorts, a rivet bag, and a black net shirt. She hated sky height, and her heels were covered with rivets and big silver earrings on her ears. You're pretty normal.

when I came out of the entrance near the gate of Peking University, I almost didn't recognize you. I was wearing a pair of white heels and a white dress. I was a little fatter than before. you grow up and no longer look like a high school student, and the makeup on your face is no longer as crude as it used to be when you had mascara on a date every Friday. You waved to me, and I smiled at you. Ah, the opening was rehearsed many times. Now I forget what I said in the first sentence. I only remember that you said,

"Zhang Deqing, I didn't expect you to reply." I smiled and you came to me. I wanted to touch your head at that time. If that woman isn't here.

We were not very good friends and didn't say a few words, but this meeting seems to have been very close to us and said a lot of things. We have done a lot of things together, but we are still very close friends. That kind of feeling is very strange, originally I am quite nervous, you talk and laugh about the story of junior high school before, and the girl who came with you is like a cue, prompting you to open more memories. She is very shrewd. I don't like girls who are too shrewd, the shrewdness that girls who have never studied have unwittingly possessed under their cleverness in society. They go back to earn some money, go back to the place where they were born, marry someone, and then shrewdly tell them what to do when they marry and have children, and point out any anecdotes and gossip.

more ambitious, they will find a boy who has studied, unwittingly get pregnant, marry unwittingly, and unconsciously deviate from her and other sisters' path. I know I can't laugh at and blame others for their cleverness because they want to change their life and environment, and sometimes I become like her to get a better internship from my mentor. No one has the right to blame anyone. We are not people at the top of society who do not need to climb.

so, after you talked about the details of our high school and junior high school and whether you knew the teacher or not, the little sister you brought became the protagonist and began to ask me about my life in Tsinghua and where I was going after graduation.

it wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to take you quietly around Tsinghua Garden and the moonlight of the lotus pond I read when I was a child. if you are hungry, I will take you to the cafeteria in Tsinghua. I will eat Guizhou Boiled Fish with Pickled Cabbage and Chili hot pot after dinner. After dinner, I will show you around Old Summer Palace. It is very empty. The sun lies on the river at dusk, very beautiful.

but everything didn't go as I expected. It's the three of us. The noisy girl keeps talking. She picks up food for you at dinner and asks you to eat more. I still remember this little detail. I don't know why, but I was very angry. So you got the file for your boyfriend, and the girl asked for my number and left after lunch.

6  

I'm not in Beijing for an internship at a Japanese company in the second half of my senior year. I looked for you several times before I left, and every time that girl was there, she always talked to me at night, looking for various reasons to come to Tsinghua University. At first, I managed, but later I didn't bother to go back.

is it because of this that you think I am far away from others? So you don't reply to my messages much either?

the day I got out of the postgraduate entrance examination, I especially sent you a message asking how your boyfriend was doing in the exam. You said you passed the exam in 20 minutes. I said it was good, it was great, it was really good. And then I didn't know what to say.

there was a kind of secret delight in my heart, which was not bright but indeed. With that secret delight, I agreed to the invitation of my Japanese colleague for the first time and went to a restaurant in Shibuya. A difference of 20 points is not only a little bit less than that, but sometimes a difference of 2 points is also a lot worse, a lot of effort and luck. Because there will always be more scores than you, if you do not get the highest score, you can only be the weak who tremble and pray for God's blessing, but it is admirable that you can hold out until the end. Not all those who choose to take the postgraduate entrance examination will eventually enter the examination room. Not all those who swear to enter a famous school will eventually enter a famous school, and most of them are cannon fodder.

your surname Zheng was later transferred to a research institute in Shanghai. You said you would get married when he finished his studies.

the message staring at you, the surprise before dinner ran out, and the person seemed to have fallen to the ground from the sky. I was standing on the street next to the Shibuya subway station waiting for the red light. As soon as the green light came on, a large group of people across the street came toward me. On the billboard opposite, there was a new film just shown in New York. A girl in holed jeans walked to the opposite side of the crowd with a camera rack, and the fierce rock music on the street corner was full of sound. It's all footsteps, it's all rhythm, and an advertising car with a new girls' group drives by, and I reply to you, "I wish you happiness, sincerely."

then put away your phone and delete your reply. You didn't read what you replied. I hate this feeling. I am tied to my heart by a woman. I am often fooled and slapped in the face. Of course, you didn't mean to. And you won't tell the truth to a junior and high school male classmate like me.

the next year you quit your job as a hotel lobby manager and went to Shanghai. After graduation, I successfully stayed in Japan with a monthly salary of 25000 yuan and outstanding performance with a commission of 70,000 to 80,000. although it is only the salary of ordinary young Japanese, it is already a great gift for me, who has just started. I can change my mother's house and take her over in a few years.

everything is good. Fate is good for everyone.

when I met Naoko at the hostel in Nagoya, she stood in front of the shop full of seven-star flowers and waved goodbye to me, I said to myself, it's been so many years, 27 years, it's time for me to talk about love.